Sarcasm Justified

If you were asked if a towel is to be replaced with a new one after this has been used for about a week? You might simply say yes. Me? Depending on my mood and who is asking, I'll say something like, "Wait for a year when the color fades or changes" or "Subject it to a litmus test, if it's basic, maybe not....if it's acidic, definitely yes...." My kid, my nerdy college kid who aced every conceivable entrance exams of top universities with flying colors and is a recipient of a scholarship program from one of the top universities, asked me that. Can you believe that?

I am usually more harsh when the person asking me such question is a loved one or a best pal. Maybe because we understand each other or they know I am predisposed to such sarcastic tendencies. It's a source of bewilderment to me why people should ask questions which they know the answers to or those without an answer. Let me cite some examples and the situation describing how such questions were asked.

1. One of my adult companion at home would inquire where his mother is when he knows fully well that she is in her room if he couldn't see her around. The slippers outside her room is a dead giveaway of her whereabouts. My response: deafening silence or an eyeroll whichever is more obvious.
   
2. In return, my other adult companion would ask where his adult son is when he is staying in his room. A variation is to ask if his son has eaten when the china, utensils, glass are untouched on a set table. My response: double eyerolls
3. Seeing a cup with half-full of coffee as his son hurriedly left for work, his mother would ask me, "(Name of son) didn't finish his coffee?" My response: a puzzled look but I would be very tempted to say that perhaps some of the other coffee evaporated and condensed right back into her son's cup.
4. While dining, I would also be asked by my eating mates why the dish is salty or is not delicious. This is true for both adult and children companions. My response: Should I answer that the dish is salty because there's too much salt or it's not delicious because it wasn't cooked well? In the first place, I didn't cook. Deafening silence or pretending I didn't hear are the ways I deal with this questions.
   
5. Upon discovery of a shortcoming by my helper, my adult companion is also fond of asking our helper, "(Name of helper), why are all the bags of the (same brand name) pet food opened?" He would wonder aloud why the helper is not responding while directing the question to me. My response: I would ask him, "How do you want that answered?" I will also tell him why don't you just point out the mistake instead of asking. I say this with a bit of irritation already. It's just too much.
6. My adult companion is also fond of asking me, "Can I leave the house alone?" My response: Since I don't want to point out the obvious, I would answer this with another question, "Why not, but would you like to leave alone?"
7. The daughter of my adult companion called one time to relate her bad suspicion because according to her she had a very painful "samid". To those who are not familiar with the term, "samid" is an involuntary coughing-like reflex accompanied by a combined itchy and painful sensation in the throat. Here, superstition lends to the belief that "samid" foretells something bad happened to the person you know or thought about. She told me the first time it happened, she thought of her mother but tried to dispel her suspicions. But her "samid" happened again and she thought of their mother again. So she decided to call even if she knows that their mom was out. My response: Even if I was intently listening, I wanted to just die for a moment and wasn't sure what to say. I just kept quiet and bit my lips. I tried to be polite because she herself realized that we will call her if something bad happens. As it was, she just wasted money for overseas call and my time for listening to her.
   

Btw, adult referred to above is way, way above 18. Our home has five adult occupants including me.

I probably got my sarcasm from my HS friends particularly this Dayap lady, my friend for life. With Dayap, I perfected the art of sarcasm. I recall that conversations among ourselves and even non-friends then were laden with sarcastic remarks. A question or remark was always responded to with the negative of what was supposed to be the appropriate response or reaction. If they see you tired, for example, and made the mistake of pointing out that you're tired, you should exaggerate that you're not with some facial expression. Or on a hot day, and it was mentioned that it's hot, the appropriate reply would be, "Of course not" matched with shivers. When hungry and asked if you would like to eat, you say you're full looking like you can devour a horse. Corny sometimes but it was our way of being funny. Most of the times, it worked.

I'd like to believe we are all intelligent, but we address each other as "tanga" or "tange" even up to now. I heard that addressing friends by these 'endearing' Pinoy terms connotes closeness. We also refer to each other by our "kapintasan" or those words used to describe your negative physical attributes, e.g., Dayap is also known as oklab. Anybody who can guess what this term means gets continuing education from me. I was called lumot or seaweeds in my HS days. I never knew why and I don't want to find out. So you see, we express our way of life through taunts, insults, and sarcasm.

I just can't understand why I should be wasting my time responding to useless questions. That's why I resort to sarcasm. I'd like to think it's still cute and funny. But as one ages, it can easily be mistaken for bitchiness. Even so, I can't help it. But that's me. It's my trademark.

This is not a call to arms. Patient ones, stick to your own tested routine. Let the curse of sarcasm end with me..... To my loved ones and other friends who do not understand, I beg your pardon. I'm only human. Please blame Dayap for all my transgressions. She trained me well. Please bear with me as I try to retrain myself into being more patient and understanding of people who love to put undue strain on other people asking silly questions with no known answers and those who are just trying to fill up the air with their voices to ask questions that they themselves know how to answer.

In the event that I can't change, I am willing to volunteer my services to people with problems with their spouses, in-laws, bosses, neighbors, etc. for free. Please email me or respond to this post so we can include you in my training calendar on "Sarcasm Made Easy for Daily Living".