The Diary

I dread opening and reading the diary…….. my son’s diary that is.

In elementary school, the student’s diary is an all-powerful tool that serves as the assignment, reminder, miscellaneous notebook and communication channel between parents and teachers. Its use depends on the kind of student your daughter or your son is. It can mainly be an assignment or reminder notebook for a conscientious student. Parent’s intrusion would be very minimal if not downright perfunctory. Such was the case with my two girls and we hardly matter except for signing privileges to acknowledge certain information or evidence that we read and understood the entry.

My son’s case is different. More often, the diary was a testimony to various lapses he had in school as described and ascribed to by his teacher adviser. It was to serve as our reference in monitoring his performance and behavior in school. I have not seen so many writings by a teacher in a diary in my past experiences with my two girls. When something was written on the girls’ diaries, it was usually a source of pride and joy.

There was a time we took it all hook, line, and sinker to preserve my son. It was a low point in our lives. One teacher had to write very forcibly on my son’s diary that one can feel her anger with the deep creases created by her note about my son’s fight with another student adding that the boy whom my son had a fight with is a quiet boy. She was therefore presuming innocence of the boy. I couldn’t describe the anger for the teacher I felt then but I pitied my son more for being unfairly penalized because he was different from the others. This difference would make him the initiator or the guilty one in any fight. According to him, he didn’t start it but that was immaterial. His teacher acted as a trial attorney and a biased judge who declared my son guilty and meted his penalty in one swoop.

But hold it…….. I just couldn’t take such injustice sitting down. Risking my son’s continued stay in that school and my own being a part-time professor there that time, I had to fight for him for the first time. There would be more battles after that first time. Each time, I would be weary but stronger in my resolve to fight for him. Eventually, he would be dealt with one of his biggest blows as a child by being unceremoniously kicked out of that school for being different…….not due to any offense that would merit expulsion but a paranoid fear for other students’ ‘safety’ and things they think that a nine-year old might do……so they say. Or was it just unwillingness on the part of some teachers to get out of their comfort zones to deal with a ‘different’ child? We had no inkling it would happen. The school authorities did not care how my son would deal with it. He told me he tried his best to behave to fit their norms and to please me. We were both crying in the car as we learned about the decision and school authorities would refuse our request for an audience.

In hindsight, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise with the realization of the adverse effect on him of his continued stay in that school. Why would we undeservedly harm our beautiful son by insisting that he stay with vultures and crocodiles? A school that treats a kid like that is damned as it failed to accomplish what it was supposed to do……. to teach young minds to become good, compassionate, and responsible persons. It failed bigtime. I kept all correspondence and notes on this event as a reminder of the crime they committed against my son and how we tried even if it was futile to protect him.

He transferred school but we still cannot evade the diary. Many of the bad news reached us through the diary. I hate opening the diary and glancing at long notes particularly when these are report on bad behavior. I have the unenviable task of extracting both good and bad news and relaying it to all concerned family members. Everyday is a mystery waiting to unfold but we learned to take things in stride. The school requires that all entries are signed by parents. We should be cooperative for the sake of my son. Just as his homework are written in the diary, my homework is to read it, make sure what’s asked is done, and seal it with my signature.

Some happy moments like an improvement in his performance or being cooperative and attentive or containing his anger are written by his teachers as well. …….small but sweet victories that come rarely. His participation in a science contest in his old school; his being cast as a Royal Guard for their school play “Cinderella”; his club activities as well as other school activities were relayed to us through the diary…………pleasant entries which serve as a silver lining on a dark sky.

Lately, I have used the power of the diary to assert my motherhood and appeal for greater patience and understanding from his mentors.

I keep all of my children’s diaries in our storage cabinet. These diaries are good memorabilia comes homecoming time. They serve to remind us of past failures and glories. The diary has so much valuable information on love, devotion, trial, triumphs, failures, and hope. While the diaries are my girls’ memento of their achievements, it is my son’s treasure box of experiences. Thanks to these experiences, my son is a sweet and caring young man with a deep love for his family, relatives, friends, pets, and even stray animals.

My son’s diary will always be a testament to how a mother dealt with their struggles and fought hard for him at a time when the going was rough. The writings in his diary will be preserved forever in my heart.