Ika 5 ng Mayo 2009: Broken Dreams

I thought I was early today but Manong came in with me barely finished preparing for work. I thought about not hitching a ride anymore. Then again, it was drizzling.... not a good time to walk. I rushed getting my school stuff and went out hoping I didn't forget anything.

At the terminal, there was a long line like yesterday. I decided to go out. I took a nice Jayross Lucky Seven bus at Alabang. Traffic was bad like yesterday. I tried to read my module for tonight's lessons. After sometime, my head was heavy and I closed my eyes to get some sleep.

I watched Damages last night in MS's room. It started at 11:30 instead of 11:00. I love the show so much. It has more twists this season as Patty Hewes and her legal team try to expose an environmetal disaster perpetuated by another powerful corporation. I must be a frustrated lawyer because I love shows about lawyers. I am mesmerized by court dramas. Remember the Tom Cruise starrer, "A Few Good Men", which to me is his most riveting performance in his entire career that doesn't require him to lose his handsomeness. I like the court scenes of him and Jack Nicholson..... even those of the very dapper Kevin Bacon, intriguing Keifer Sutherland, and good looking Noah Wyle. I used to also follow The Practice.

My late Dad was a lawyer. I could have followed in his footsteps except that I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do after high school graduation. I ended up enrolling in a course with the shortest queue..... that was engineering. No regrets though..... because my background serves me in good stead. Sometimes though, I yearn for something that is missing in my life. I find myself taking the cudgels for the underdogs at times that led me to thinking that I could do better if I were a lawyer.

I discovered my real inclination quite late in life.... I already have a family, with two young daughters, to whom I devote most of my time. My dad, when he was still around, could have sent me to a law school. He always dreamed about having another lawyer in the family. He thought my youngest brother would be the ideal candidate. He was, intellectually. However, circumstances prevented him from pursuing a law career. He was in second year law proper when my parents simultaneously succumbed to debilitating illnesses and he had to take care of both of them. After my parents were gone, he lost his appetite for a law career and started working as a college instructor and later researcher for the military using his history background. I guess he hasn't found his place here. That is why he is hoping he'll get a better chance in another place.

Perhaps, I myself could never make my dream come true.... There's just too many ifs and buts..... Time is also in short supply as I juggle the demands of my various roles. My current financial situation does not even afford me the chance to make my dream a reality. As I get closer at the end of the road, the dream seem more elusive. The closest I could get to that dream is to continue to fight for the causes I believe in.

Sleeping in the Jayross bus, I continue to dream on........

PS: Nagpapahulog ng sulat ang biyenan ko sa akin para sa anak niyang nasa Amerika. Makailan beses ko nang sinubukan na sabihin sa kanya na tuturuan ko siyang mag-email na mabilis at matipid na paraan para makipag-ugnayan sa anak niya o kahit kanino pa man. Ayaw niya at matanda na daw siya. Sabi ko hindi naman problema yun. Pero hindi ko siya mapilit mag-aral na mag-email. Ni hindi pa nga niya nasubukan na umupo sa harap ng kompyuter at tumipa ng mga letra. Hindi ko alam kung natatakot siya sa kompyuter. Kesyo baka daw masira. Sabi ko hindi masisira. Sadya sigurong me mga taong hindi pwedeng sumabay sa bilis ng takbo ng teknolohiya. Kaya eto ako ngayon at kailangan pumunta sa post office para bumili ng selyo at ihulog ang sulat na aabutin ng ilan araw bago mabasa ng kinauukulan.