Ika 19 ng Hunyo 2009: Empty

Yesterday brought some good things and lots of disappointments. On the plus side, my dog gave birth and a loan was paid to me....... Over breakfast, hubby telling me that their top management is singing a different tune now with the buyout of their company by another which fuels our worst fears. Before, their president said that there would be no change. Now, he is saying that they cannot do anything and it is the buyer who will make the decision. Hubby is talking about being jobless now. I am very afraid.....

While checking my email at the office, I would learn from our school administrator that night classes would be limited for two days a week upon the directive of the school owner. Somebody beat me to this schedule and the administrator was asking me to take a leave from work to teach a class at daytime. I can't do that..... especially now. So I guess, I'd take a break from school too. It's unfortunate that between the two jobs that I hold, I love teaching a whole lot more. It hurts to give up something you love. That would mean substantial income loss too. What's happening to us?

Ever the optimist, I still would like to believe that our worst fear would not happen. Hubby is a good man and there would always be a job for someone like him. I can still look for another part-time teaching job. On the other hand, maybe it also is trying to tell me to slow down and spend more time at home. MS is now a freshman and would need more of my presence and guidance. MD, being a senior, would be very busy with school and she couldn't look after MS's concerns. I was reflecting on this going home last night. The new puppy would provide some respite from all these thoughts. I was excited to get home. As soon as I arrived, I passed by the two mums nursing their babies. I had a quiet dinner by myself. The kids were upstairs sleeping. Hubby was out of town.

After dinner, I relaxed and decided to visit the new born again. I was aghast to see the new pup which appeared to be lifeless sprawled on the floor of the cage. Later, her mum would try to revive it and wouldn't let me get the pup. I called to my helper to help me. She was able to pick up the new pup and it sure was gone. We think that Missy accidentally bit it as we saw what appears to be a toothmark on the belly. I felt so bad..... especially seeing my dog trying to revive her puppy. I could almost cry. When we attempted to take it, the mom was distressed. We returned it one more time until the mom was vigorously shaking the dead pup. I couldn't take it anymore, I told my helper to take it away.

Last night, I cried myself to sleep....... I feel empty today..... This is one of those days when I find myself questioning God's wisdom.........

Tonight, I hope to take my mind off things. I am meeting up with my friend who has gone astray and the rest of the gang as we celebrate her coming back....

PS: Tapos na naman ang linggo. Sana matapos na ang araw na to.... ang trabahong ginagawa ko..... Ano kaya ang nakalaan sa kin bukas?