My Unmerry December

Our 4-year old lab died on Christmas eve, a month after he fell ill due to a nerve problem. I accepted the fate that we would be caring for a disabled dog which may not be the same feeling that members of my household had.... While our boy helper was chiefly in charge of his care, I took a personal approach in overseeing his physical therapy. Aside from his disability, there was incontinence to deal with .....

There was emptiness when he died and I still hurt recalling how he waited to leave us until I saw him losing life that morning. At the same time, there was relief because my beloved lab would not feel pain anymore and will be where all dogs go.

Another unforgettable event was when MIL's disease became apparent after mixed emotions got the better of her as she excitedly prepared for the annual Christmas reunion of their family. She was unable to move her left foot and would drag it when she walks as she felt she made a spectacle of herself to everyone in the gathering. But that time, she completely lost her nerve and zest. She was in tears when she reached the dining hall with the assistance of her helper and her sons who encouraged and assisted her in alternately moving her feet.

When she got home, she was no longer the same jolly hopeful person who tried to make do with what she can. Instead she was falling down and can no longer stand up erect. She had to be assisted in getting to bed. Hubby and MIL went to the hospital the following day where she spent the entire Christmas holiday..... Initial tests showed that she has a tumor in the right side of the brain which explains the paralysis of her left leg. Later tests showed she has the Big C and the prognosis doesn't look good. The doctor was fortright with hubby and his brothers. The suggestion even more straightforward. MIL can no longer withstand surgery or radiation therapy. The best recourse is to keep her healthy enough to manage the disease as it progresses. The condition was not revealed to her knowing how she still want to live a few more years but I don't think she doesn't know what she already feels ....

The rest of the time, I tried to keep up with the usual Christmas gatherings with friends, colleagues, and some relatives. This is one Christmas, however, that drains emotions and made me switch from one extreme to the other ..... If I had a choice, I would just like to skip this month altogether .....

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November in Contrast

Because it was the month we honor our departed loved ones.... The first day of the month set some poignant soul searching for the memories it brings...... It was as we always spend All Saints' Day. We trekked to the cemetery along with the throngs. We visited my mother and father's grave a week earlier than the actual day. There was nothing out of the ordinary. We lit our candles, offered prayers, lingered for awhile. My brother and I left the brood momentarily to visit our half-brother in a nearby grave. Then, we went home shortly.

Quite surprisingly, MIL agreed to not go to FIL's grave on the day itself but settled on the day after, All Soul's Day.... We had the usual thing. MIL and the helpers started the day early cooking a buffet for the family.

The day ended not very well when MIL fell ill and blamed BIL and hubby for her malaise because they teased her about being together with FIL in our next visit. MIL laughed at the joke when it was told but the light mood changed when she felt like coming down with the flu as we prepared to go home. Hubby was in a foul mood driving home as MIL continued to show sensitivity to the joke he and BIL made earlier. Apparently, the joke would be on them as revealed by events later .....

In the middle of this month, our labrador retriever, fell ill.... It just lay on its side after its morning walk, unable to move its hind legs. Hubby wanted whatever ails the dog to just run its course but I prevailed upon him to bring our lab to the vet. Our lab stayed with the vet for about a week. I visited him bringing along some of his dog friends. I would bring him home one day with his hind legs still not able to feel. We had to give him both medication and physical therapy to try to revive the bad legs. There would be days when things seems to look up..... I am keeping my hopes high ..... somehow, Jello seems to respond to me positively and I would form this bond with him as I encourage him to get well and walk like old times. He's always been a sweet dog but being large and untrained, I couldn't contain him when he is walked in the past..... I would handle some of his grooming needs when he is uncooperative with the helpers. In gratitude, he would lay his head on my side .... He gets a daily pat on the head from me whenever I get home ...

After the All Saints' Day spectacle, the rest of the month would actually pave the way for the merriment the following month.....

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Blogging is not for the Faint of Heart

The most earth-shaking news is the discovery of this blog by the appointed henchman of RB .... baby, what a big surprise, right before my very eyes ..... as Peter Cetera, lead singer of Chicago choruses in the band's 70s hit.... big freaking deal ..... before everyone panics, here are a few things about blog and the art of blogging according to wiki .....

The term "weblog" was coined by Jorn Barger on 17 December 1997. The short form, "blog," was coined by Peter Merholz, who jokingly broke the word weblog into the phrase we blog in the sidebar of his blog Peterme.com in April or May 1999. Shortly thereafter, Evan Williams at Pyra Labs used "blog" as both a noun and verb ("to blog," meaning "to edit one's weblog or to post to one's weblog") and devised the term "blogger" in connection with Pyra Labs' Blogger product, leading to the popularization of the terms.


The modern blog evolved from the online diary, where people would keep a running account of their personal lives. Most such writers called themselves diarists, journalists, or journalers. Justin Hall, who began personal blogging in 1994 while a student at Swarthmore College, is generally recognized as one of the earliest bloggers, as is Jerry Pournelle. Dave Winer's Scripting News is also credited with being one of the oldest and longest running weblogs. Another early blog was Wearable Wireless Webcam, an online shared diary of a person's personal life combining text, video, and pictures transmitted live from a wearable computer and EyeTap device to a web site in 1994. This practice of semi-automated blogging with live video together with text was referred to as sousveillance, and such journals were also used as evidence in legal matters.


Early blogs were simply manually updated components of common Web sites. However, the evolution of tools to facilitate the production and maintenance of Web articles posted in reverse chronological order made the publishing process feasible to a much larger, less technical, population. Ultimately, this resulted in the distinct class of online publishing that produces blogs we recognize today. For instance, the use of some sort of browser-based software is now a typical aspect of "blogging". Blogs can be hosted by dedicated blog hosting services, or they can be run using blog software, or on regular web hosting services.


Some early bloggers, such as The Misanthropic Bitch, who began in 1997, actually referred to their online presence as a zine, before the term blog entered common usage.

An emergency meeting ensued after the discovery of this now 'famous' blog, where the subjects were called one by one to digest what must be so unpalatable and incomprehensible to some of them. Like in a cult, a spell must be cast to enrage the already irate subjects.... something must be done....fast .....

Just like old times, these subjects are so into me ..... I noticed though that they have been disturbingly quiet... quite a surprise... still doing under the table tactics and murmuring to each other what they don't want their 'enemies' to hear but any average person knows about already .... At least now, there is a reason for their resentment .... unlike before that they were brainwashed into thinking the same thought as their cult leader .....

The thing is you intruded my blog, like you trespassed my house.... on your own volition. Just

like a surprised visit, I hope you do not expect that the dirty socks are neatly stashed in the
clothes hamper; no dirty plates are piling on the sink and every nook and corner of the house are spotless.... You were not invited to visit, just like you were not asked to set sight on this blog in the first place. Be that as it may, since you have visited my humble blogbode, you are welcome just like any other guests here. You may want to comment if you want to and that would be dealt with accordingly. If you don't like what you see, you are not forced to stay and can leave anytime you don't want new surprises or discoveries... but because you chose to stay and discover more, do so at your risk.... if you feel you're alluded to, what the heck is your problem reading this..... can't handle the truth? well, that's another story .... but if you think what is written does not have a tinge of truth, why bother with this blog .....

Whatever course of action you take, I'd like to thank you for giving me my 3 minutes of fame unwittingly .... The best way to spread something is to tell someone to keep it to yourself ... it's human nature, duh ..... It has been said that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.... but I've had my fix and my hits.... well, this blog has been a source of a cushion for me and has kept me intact all through those years .... but the recent hits have been unprecedented in its history ... the way it overtook my most cherished posts and perhaps my most widely read post and a recent fave .... what more, the icing on the cake is that you lead some of your irate former subjects to this site and now that old wounds are reopened, they have been sharing unabashly what made them decide to leave your kingdom.... again thank you.... keep on visiting...... who knows the next post may be about you .... yes, you!

Related posts:
1. Blog
2. Online Diary
3. Introduction to Blogging

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October Fest

I am not sure whether I had the most celebrations this year but I know I had a lot since I have been meeting friends in restos at least once a week, not counting the weekends. I had my own celebration with my family at a Chinese resto which everyone was craving about. I think I had about six celebrations with friends and family, all in all....

I may not always feel the love that my family and friends have for me or perhaps I've taken such feelings for granted. But birthdays reveal what does not always show....

It was a tiring month depriving me of sleep on a number of days.... making me miss my cues, feel all kinds of aches, and be cranky at times..... yet, the company of my family and the few but true friends I treasure more than make up for whatever ails me on those days....

While most days I feel being dragged by the drudgery of life, each and every birthday reminds me that I am a wonderful creature of God and loved beyond I deserve.... I thank all of you who made me merry on my birthday month and most specially for keeping me company on days when I don't feel so special .....

Related Posts:
1. My Life's Journey So Far
2. Drifting
3. Ika 20 ng Oktubre 2008

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Sassy September

Resigned to being the favorite target of the powers-that-be after that fateful Friday the 13th

incident in August, I looked at my options and decided to coast along taking things in stride. I was expecting that the higher-ups would do something drastic like snatch me out of a very hopeless situation. The rift has dragged on for years with no reprieve in sight. Peace came when we were out of each other's sights. So is a miracle expected to happen? not in a million years ..... for the sake of sanity, I truly hope something is done .....

Undaunted and used to this situation, I have learned to ignore the people using everything that they can to make life unbearable for those like me who can't lick their rotten system and not let it affect me. After all, there is more to life than the life in the concrete jungle I inhabit 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. And I think about my home, my family, my friends, my pets, my hobbies, my cause ..... and actually believe that indeed life is beautiful .... you make life what you want it to be ..... and suddenly things seems light on this wonderful month....

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Ominous August

I have been so very, very, very, very remiss in updating this blog... writer's block, taking on more than I can chew or just plain lazy .... I think the last one would correctly describe the syndrome. I will try to the best of my ability not to lose it and update this blog pronto.... so help me please as I will write the succeeding entries aided only by a mind that falters due to LT & ST memory loss ...

Fortunately or unfortunately, August was an unforgettable month due a recurrence of an old situation. I never felt comfortable enough that all's well between us all this time even if we have mended fences ..... and so I thought ...

There wasn't anything I recall anymore about this month but that fateful Friday the 13th. My old nemesis told me to attend a meeting I wasn't apprised about. I came to the meeting because a good soldier follows his superior. Surprisingly, my boss and her entourage weren't in the meeting room long after the meeting started. Our superior showed irritation as she wanted everyone to be there before she starts. Once they marched in, she made them realize she felt slighted by the rude gesture. And the meeting unfolded ...

My boss appeared not happy and was not saying anything after a mild dressing down by our superior. For some reason, it felt different. The moment she took the report I brought to the meeting and began asking me questions about it at the same time our superior was asking one of the attendees the same questions she was asking me, I knew it would be coming. She was not attentive to the meeting but just focused on the document she took from me and scribble something there. Across her, I could read the very deeply scribbled familiar handwriting shouting the words SEE ME flaunted in front of her for anyone to see.

Not contented, she would tell the entire body that she wants to talk to me and wanted us to leave pronto as soon as the meeting was over. It felt like being pulled by the ear from my seat by my boss. For some reason, we both had to pass by the comfort place after a long meeting. She wanted to dress me down right there and then. I told her we better go to her room as we don't know what can possibly happen. She turned her back and banged the door and dashed out as I followed.

Even before reaching her office, she would tell her assistant to tell me to go to her room when I was just behind her. Is she delusional or simply wanted to make a show of her power to abuse subordinates? Once inside her room, she told me I should not speak and just listen to her. Is she giving a speech? because I was not really in the mood ... Her eyes were mad like she's in a rage and about to attack... After some exchanges, I was about to give her the floor motioning for her to give her piece as I was taking my seat, when she dashed out of her room and in a shrieking voice publicly gave me a dressing down. I was stumped but managed to return the complement by telling her to be the superior she expects me to be ....

Like old times, our top official's office was my only destination to unload what does not feel right. I hate bugging her with this old rift but where else would I go.... and I feel she should know.... hoping that one day she can do something about the situation that changed so many lives in a small office with a huge problem. I wasn't expecting much but told our top official and another official that I want peace of mind and simply want to transfer office. Still like old times, she gave me comfort listening to my woes but not a definite action....

.... and with this the old fire raged like it has not been seen before..... well, some things are simply not meant to be......

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