My Unmerry December

Our 4-year old lab died on Christmas eve, a month after he fell ill due to a nerve problem. I accepted the fate that we would be caring for a disabled dog which may not be the same feeling that members of my household had.... While our boy helper was chiefly in charge of his care, I took a personal approach in overseeing his physical therapy. Aside from his disability, there was incontinence to deal with .....

There was emptiness when he died and I still hurt recalling how he waited to leave us until I saw him losing life that morning. At the same time, there was relief because my beloved lab would not feel pain anymore and will be where all dogs go.

Another unforgettable event was when MIL's disease became apparent after mixed emotions got the better of her as she excitedly prepared for the annual Christmas reunion of their family. She was unable to move her left foot and would drag it when she walks as she felt she made a spectacle of herself to everyone in the gathering. But that time, she completely lost her nerve and zest. She was in tears when she reached the dining hall with the assistance of her helper and her sons who encouraged and assisted her in alternately moving her feet.

When she got home, she was no longer the same jolly hopeful person who tried to make do with what she can. Instead she was falling down and can no longer stand up erect. She had to be assisted in getting to bed. Hubby and MIL went to the hospital the following day where she spent the entire Christmas holiday..... Initial tests showed that she has a tumor in the right side of the brain which explains the paralysis of her left leg. Later tests showed she has the Big C and the prognosis doesn't look good. The doctor was fortright with hubby and his brothers. The suggestion even more straightforward. MIL can no longer withstand surgery or radiation therapy. The best recourse is to keep her healthy enough to manage the disease as it progresses. The condition was not revealed to her knowing how she still want to live a few more years but I don't think she doesn't know what she already feels ....

The rest of the time, I tried to keep up with the usual Christmas gatherings with friends, colleagues, and some relatives. This is one Christmas, however, that drains emotions and made me switch from one extreme to the other ..... If I had a choice, I would just like to skip this month altogether .....