Dancing to the Tune in June

A month that will test my mettle ....

More krap came my way but I was ready... armed only with guts and the astuteness of one who has had too much .... and assisted by my counsel. I went to the trap conference laid out to bait find out and draw blood from my own mouth ferret out the truth ... as they want to have it .... My counsel presented the same position I had since that charade started

You see the CCF is a by-product of many days of morphing into what it is today through the abled manipulations of RB, her trusted aide T....., the new super alalay who inherited another kingdom from RB's old friend turned nemesis, and some other people close to thy Royal Highness ... during the time they are all members of the Ineffectual Accounter cum Underminer which is supposed to uncover anomalies in the bureaucracy including erring employees. True to form, they will not pass up an opportunity to use their positions to take advantage of the opportunity to do me in the guise of bureaucratic expediency but still be politically correct
Finally, I was face-to-face with the members of the CCF. Some expressed mock surprised when my counsel and I walked into the KC at their designated time. One of them had the gall to tell me that they are expecting that I won't show up because I didn't in the first two times. I would like to reply, "Duh... I'm here..." except that we have to respect the august KC.  I opted not to face them in the initial invitations because it would have felt like walking into a snake pit .....After all, I have raised issues that remained unanswered which would have tilted this case against me....  I felt I needed more than the truth and courage to face them. So here I am ready with my counsel....

At this time too,  the Queen, sensing trouble, once again used her loyal allies as convenient scapegoat asking them to deflect my threat of a battle of wits with petition against me termed as sidling up to a paternal head by this true-to-form Santita character as she tried to coerce persuade a colleague to sign a concocted petition against me ... dog loyalty in action ..... it's so unfortunate that mindless cult members readily accede to such threat gentle persuasion ...

 N.B. After all the fiasco, the case was left to dangle again as I have not heard from the the members of the KC to this day ....

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Trying May

After the ups and downs of the early months felt like mood swings of a woman having mid-life crisis, here comes May with all its weight ....

For one, the boss is up on her toes again, edgy and all-excited about a new foolproof plan. This time, she managed to get the bureaucratic machinery which we shall call the Chummy Cohorts in Fact or the CCF on her side as she wittingly devise ways to get back at me. The CCF appears bent on prosecuting me for the crimes imagined and concocted by her. Not surprisingly, she has the ability to manipulate this body of supposedly disinterested parties in the case, and likewise believe that her true intentions can be hidden through bureaucratic machinations... I had to fight back... It's been one long paper trail and frankly I have had enough of her shenanigans ... this couldn't be like this for long ....


First, I got an invitation to a day in a kangaroo court. Through that invitation, I got to know who heads the CCF and it's no surprise it's one of the friendly forces of RB. Later, I would get to know the other members. Giving one or two of the members the benefit of the doubt, I'd say the rest are fine..... except that they would in all likelihood not offer a differing view knowing who I was up against and who heads their body. It gets better if this case progresses.... because if the CCF finds merit in the boss's accusations against me, the case will be elevated to the CIF or what we shall call the Comrades in Fact. Guess who is in this body.... wink, wink ** (clue: he is one of the new outside additions to the Kingdom)

 On my part, I tried to expose the real intention of that body by questioning their real motive. I tried to use moral suasion and objectivity in asking the friend of the boss to give up her position if indeed she has no interest in this case. But luck was not to be on my side as callousness rules. Later her nifty pañero in the CCF will try to impress to the other members how I distrust the body.... when all I wanted was for the head, an ally of the boss, to inhibit herself for the sake of delicadeza.

 As expected, all of the kingdom's loyal subjects were asked to put up their production number in front of the CCF in a number of inquisitions. There were blood, sweat, and tears (no credit to the 80s band) shed but these are mostly crocodile tears. I still wonder what all the fuss was about when her subjects and I hardly interacted at work and at play. I would get about two more invitations to this charade.

 I decided bring up the matter to the attention of the top bosses who in this instance would see no evil in this set-up even as they were sympathetic. haaaay.......

And so I thought about it long and hard ..... and if they want to play hard ball, let's play hard ball but in my own terms.....

 

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April Showers

I consider this a month full of blessings for so many reasons ...........

The dogs gave me litters of puppies. Six of our dams gave birth and our hands were full attending to the fur mums and their litters but nobody is

complaining. Ever since we discovered the joy of living with other living creatures, our home was virtually turned into a miniature pet haven. Sure, there were noises, even some noises during unholy hour and small inconvenience when we have friends and guest coming over. I am not sure if some of them get turned off because of our living arrangements. One time, a friend said, the house smells of dogs.... We must have been immuned to the smell that we don't smell the doggie fragrance... We try to keep our surroundings clean and aerated but there would be days when the dogs, being dogs, would smell like one. We don't mind those days but perhaps it's a turn off for some ... we have probably assimilated living with the dogs ... so don't expect changes just because we can't suit your nasal standards ... On the other hand, our dogs help us realize that the best things in life are free.... which is probably just what some people I know, need .... hmmm .... There have been studies about how pets relieve life's stresses... it comes as no surprise that happy and easy people are pet lovers.

It is also summer vacation time for the kids. In all likelihood, they would be vegging out, pigging out, and social networking all the time. I hope not...

Surprise of all surprises, MS didn't have to go to summer class.... this after he was failing in the third quarter.... His adviser informed us about what is becoming imminent in the PTA for the third quarter and we just accepted with resignation my son's fate of going to summer class. When we asked him and attributed his dismal school performance to time spent playing computer games and not studying, he turned the table around and took us to task telling us we are never around for him.... that got us guilt-stricken for days and I had to take action fast. Hubby and I agreed to get a tutor for my son even if the outcome is uncertain with very little time left. By some twist of fate, I dug from the deep recesses of my mind that my neighbor's fiance is a math teacher in high school.... halleluyah!!! I knew this all the time and the need for a tutor for my son never emerged until now .... Immediately, I took steps to talk to my neighbor and later to her fiance..... and suddenly MS has a tutor.... With just a bit of luck, he likes his tutor who bears a striking resemblance to both his former adviser whom he likes and respects and an uncle whom he adores. Even the demeanor of the tutor has an uncanny similarity to his former adviser and uncle .... There are some guilty feelings making an arrangement for MS that makes it convenient for hubby and I to dispense with our parental duty... but it is the best that we can do under the circumstances.

Hounded by thoughts of bearing the hot summer sun trekking to school and not having a summer vacation, MS took his tutoring sessions seriously. The results were immediately felt. MS no longer was the cranky, frustrated teen who hated math. He was, in fact, coping well.... so well, that we were in disbelief when he told us that he was exempted from taking the last major exam. We didn't want to hurt his feelings but we wanted to make sure he got it right. I told him to ask his adviser to clarify if his exemption from the exam means that he passed the subject.... My thought was that the exam was immaterial because he failed the subject... Aside from him asking, I sent a text message to his resource teacher who also is not aware of his status. When MS came back with his adviser's reply, he was sure he is exempted from taking the exam.... my only worry is that it could have meant failure... my doubt was somehow erased by the fact that his adviser or teachers never advised us to prepare for summer class even during the last day of class which I attended.... he must have passed ... I hope ....

It was a workday when MS's report card was to be released and I had to ask ED to take over the role of guardian to be able to get MS's card. I can't get my mind off it even while I was in the office and I had to text ED for MS's grade in math. She confirmed that MS passed ..... a whooping 9 percentile point leap from his previous failing mark ....... and I felt proud like never before ... ED and MD might get mad at me for this ..... but the feeling is even far exhilarating than going up the stage to receive honors for my two girls.... something tells me that MS can accomplish greater feat if he puts his mind and heart into something.

What could get better than this...... I am out of the firing range in the kingdom .... little furry bundles of joys are a source of delight at home..... MS came bouncing back with a vengeance ..... these showers of blessing paint a beautiful rainbow of colors against the sunny bright skies .....

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She Came Marching In in March

Oh, when the saints go marching in
Oh, when the saints go marching in
Lord, how I want to be in that number
When the saints go marching in

This is actually an apocalyptic song that sounds just right this month when she came marching in with so much funfare as usual .... a shower of confetti and a band could have made her entry more spectacular.

This post could very well be entitled the Comeback.... but I settled on this title as it sounds cool ....... She came marching in not exactly with the band but with creating noise just the same .... as her royal loyal guards announced her return, I instantly felt relieved that I'm finally out of the Lioness's den....

After much ado about her comeback, she's finally back ... There was so much speculation before she finally came back... At times, she wanted to appear mysterious and made anyone guess when exactly she is coming back... There were telltale signs and there were obvious signs ... Frankly, I didn't give a damn. I just wanted my life back and moreover I want out of that office pronto as what was promised me ... but you know how we all should deal with bureaucracy to maintain order in our lives... so I still must.... one more time....

Her coming back is both a boon and a bane .... It's a good thing because we all can lead normal lives (as it is in this office) again. What about her? You think the vacation could have changed her ... a bit ..... fat chance... I often wonder why there is so much anger in her .... why she isn't just content about making people's lives miserable.... that she need to vent her destructive ways to make sure that anyone who crosses her is beaten to a pulp ... you know how a bully gets satisfaction from seeing his victim down and out and shamed ..... I think I am one of the fortunate ones she couldn't really pin down...... to her chagrin .....

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed. Carl Sandburg

But I think she came with vengeance in mind .... just like old times.... There were no usual turnover rites when I handed her back the reins of leadership of this office. Instead, she sent out a very impersonal email to make her presence felt outlining the tasks to be done... There was one email she sent to some of the people I worked with announcing that she is back and that I will effectively become the support staff of a major task that I handled.... talk about flexing muscles.... i'm ... oh ... so moved .... She would even let me hear her conversation with other people I dealt with telling them that she is now the boss, dismissimg my role while she was on leave, like anything that has to do with me be forgotten quickly .... I don't know what her problem is seeing the office still intact ... and this is what I get for allowing her the luxury of taking a medical leave.... whoa

I don't have very good memories of being in this office all these years. I was lucky that the periods that she and I were actually together are shorter than the times we existed together without care about each other's concerns. Either she or I was assigned somewhere or on some projects emanating from other offices. There was a time she was away for a full two years presumably to pursue higher learning that will redound to the good of the Department... so help us God ..... or like the last absence, she was forced to take a leave for health reasons. There were a number of times, the office had other bosses... not exactly a good time for me as the status quo was simply maintained and she was actually still running it by remote control ....

Still, there has to be some good arising out of this phase of my life.... nah ... Maybe, for the lessons of courage and patience it taught me .... and seeing how people you know for a long time evolved from being persons who are sensible to being trapped and helpless unable to distinguish between right and wrong that they allow themselves to be used under the cloak of law and order out of sheer fear of a backlash .......... some even would sell their souls .... just for a bite of power

This time that she is back gave me a much more firm resolve to get out of this office. That should be happening soon .... I did what I was told. It is time to get a payback ......

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February Quite Contrary

I was getting into the hang of things at the office even if there would be uneasiness at times ... Thrust into something I didn't feel so good about but need to do just the same.... a necessary evil so to speak .... this month zoomed so fast that it felt like I was being tossed around. What with the boss who is supposed to be sick wanting to call the shots every so often and undermining the authority ... on times, she would try to appear meek by telling her people that she was leaving things to me .... and will be back again sometime to wreck havoc on my leadership.... shouldn't she be in bed recuperating.... more importantly, shouldn't she be thankful that I took on a thankless job and am trying my darndest best to do whatever needs to get done without expectation of anything from her or anyone .....

She had the nerve to taunt my ability in pointing out to people I deal with, top officials included, what apparently does not sit well with her in one of my major assignments .... what compounds the situation is she would say it's not right but she couldn't pinpoint exactly why it isn't right to her. Ironically, we are making great progress on that work. It's probably hard for her to be out of the limelight on a major activity and is itching to get back in the limelight .... this is one big opportunity that she couldn't take advantage of.... so she had to create some noise...You know how some shallow people sound like empty cans .... I had to shut her off in some communication; on this one, in particular, when her only goal was to embarrass me. She was trying to paint a bad picture of how I was handling the job and wanted to appear more knowledgeable than what she really is at this point. Her people would give her feedback she'd like to hear, piecemeal at most, just to please her. She would shut up one time and then be back again.... as she couldn't make her mind whether she wants out or in or could she not just resist the urge to wield her power....She certainly knows I do not succumbed to threats nor am I about to bite into her trap ...

What is her problem anyway that she couldn't detach herself from this office!!!??? Reason dictates that she should just allow me to function well for the sake of the organization... Or is she afraid that I will succeed and create a ripple that could send her the shivers .... I am not after her position, stature, or power. It's just a job that I had to do .... and even if there is very strong resentment among her people towards me in this office, I would not want the office to fall just because of someone's pettiness ...

Her people is another matter that needs to be dealt with circumspect. They hate me to the bones. Why? I could only surmise that they are not happy about having less freedom in doing the things they love doing. Their perks were drastically cut which probably explains the uneasy silence. Income would be meager for the rest of my stay .... One of the runboys made the mistake of loudly asking if they have prepared their computation for their extra income. I was behind a cubicle.... suddenly there was silence... an average person would know even without seeing that the big mouth had been secretly silenced through sign language and meaningful stares .... talk about conspiracy .... and talk about being blatant ... tsk tsk ...

For the rest of the term, I did not receive any request for extra income or perks except from three of them... two are valid requests... except two of them were not entitled to it .... the other one requesting for accommodation had questionable entries... I did not want to meddle in their perks but I do not want my hands in there either... so I told them to claim those when the real boss arrives.... I must have earned enough hate points with that last shutdown.

About this time, the boss began making herself visible.... I would know because there were a few times she asked the driver to wait on her while she was officially on leave and even dispensing with the courtesy of asking me .... The poor driver's loyalty was put to test and I had to give way to make the situation less problematic for somebody without a real choice. I could have toughen my stance but it's not my job on the line. I don't want to do it at somebody's expense. How an official of her caliber can do such things no longer surprises me.

Also about this time, she came to the office, had a talk with the Big Boss and all of a sudden was out of a position she so very much cherished. The official press release was that she wants to work at a more relaxed pace ... But something doesn't quite fit in.... She was dying to have that position in the past .... what's with the turnaround.... and someone as harried as her living a relaxed pace.... cmon ... never happened ... never will happen ....

In the last week, I feel relatively at ease since nothing is pending... Normalcy in this chaotic place is about to be restored... I can honestly say I am pleased with myself, even feeling a sense of fulfillment, because I did the best that I could given the situation... everything that needs to be done is done .... more importantly, the time is almost done .... and I can't wait to go back to being a recluse ....

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Incredible January

After the hoopla of the longest Philippine holiday, I was to get the shock of life delivered electronically via SMS by a top official of our department. I was on sick bay and trying to keep my mind off my ailment by staying on the net and talking with a friend on the phone at the same time. My celfone gave out that all too familiar sound of a text message received. I didn't check the message immediately as I was still on the phone, glancing at it only briefly and decided to put down the celfone as I wasn't sure what I read is true. I was probably hallucinating from the meds....

After I was done talking to my friend, I took a deep breath and looked at my phone again... and there it was ... a message that came like lightning in broad daylight... too far-out to believe... it sounded more like a joke... except that it came from a top official. I literally wanted to slap myself except that I was already fighting a bout of migraine... and any more toll could send me back to sick bed..... I had to put down my phone again...

After a few minutes and not wanting to keep our top official wait a minute longer for my reply, I texted back saying I'll see her the following day to talk about what she is asking me to be.... I didn't want to think about it that evening and slept early ....

Coming to work the following day, I was having mixed feeling alternating between excitement and ambivalence not knowing what to expect from my meeting with the top official. I was comforting myself thinking this is all just for exigency as they probably need someone to act as the alternative choice so that the actual choice would not appear too eager. I arrived in the office early and waited for the top official's clearance to go to her office. I cleared my mind as I was treading the familiar path to her office. There wasn't much funfare as she laid out what I knew already. I replied with a question asking who the alternative is. It's another director from another office, a good friend of my boss. Great, I thought for a while.... that means he's a shoo in. Except that the top official continued to talk about what needs to be done.... I had to ask another question... What's the alternative if I decline? There's none, she said.... crap!!! She asked why I would decline. I gave her the look saying you know why... At the back of my mind, it's like she's making me the cannon fodder in a fierce battle .... You know how top official with all their wisdom seems to make you feel like you cannot not accept what they lay on the table and make you feel guilty if you don't do as asked ..... saying she wants to test me given that I have not had that chance to shine in my own office ..... Well, what can I say.... I had to accept the responsibility reluctantly .... The only condition I laid was that it should not affect my request to be transferred... She said yes....

I came out of her office still in disbelief... .... I literally hit the ground running as I assumed leadership of an office because my boss had to go on medical leave with full knowledge that my boss's people hate me to death .... How can this happen to me??!!! As I ponder on this question, I realized that there are things to do and I should do it .... and they have no choice either.... they can hate me all they want but they still have to do the job.... I console my self with the thought that this is just a temporary set-up and I'll be back to my own world in no time .....

And that was how my life was transformed from being a recluse to one of being in the public eye ...and it was too an abrupt a change that it took sometime getting used to ... More top officials were getting in touch with me for so many things. In the first few days, I began feeling the weight of the responsibility... In fairness to the staff of this office, some of them delivered what needed to be done inspite of the animosity .... Over time, this animosity, would translate to poorly executed tasks in some instances with some of the 'mindless' members of the cult. I had to be very, very careful as I tread dangerous grounds .... just as they seem wary of the whole situation.... Even in her sickbed, the boss managed to make her presence felt with some distasteful messages sent to threaten or make life miserable. I cannot succumbed to such threats .... In some instances, I had to flex muscles. Otherwise, I just let it pass ....

The work was not the problem. There were loads but nothing that cannot be done using regular mental and physical exertion.... True that I moved out of my comfort zone but I had far more difficult and challenging tasks in the past ... Without meaning to belittle the assignment, it was no rocket science .... I am now wondering aloud how an office full of supposedly 'professional' staff can make such work appear so complicated requiring long hours at the office with some crankiness to boot on certain times .....

The problem was something else ..... and that was the reason I was hesitant about accepting this assignment ..... and our top official must have seen that in my eyes ....

A friend and former colleague of mine gave me a congratulatory message one day that sounded more like a jest.... After a few more bantering, he posed a challenge for me to prove to all that I have what it takes ..... And that was to be my life in the next 60 days or so ..... one tough balancing act ......

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My Unmerry December

Our 4-year old lab died on Christmas eve, a month after he fell ill due to a nerve problem. I accepted the fate that we would be caring for a disabled dog which may not be the same feeling that members of my household had.... While our boy helper was chiefly in charge of his care, I took a personal approach in overseeing his physical therapy. Aside from his disability, there was incontinence to deal with .....

There was emptiness when he died and I still hurt recalling how he waited to leave us until I saw him losing life that morning. At the same time, there was relief because my beloved lab would not feel pain anymore and will be where all dogs go.

Another unforgettable event was when MIL's disease became apparent after mixed emotions got the better of her as she excitedly prepared for the annual Christmas reunion of their family. She was unable to move her left foot and would drag it when she walks as she felt she made a spectacle of herself to everyone in the gathering. But that time, she completely lost her nerve and zest. She was in tears when she reached the dining hall with the assistance of her helper and her sons who encouraged and assisted her in alternately moving her feet.

When she got home, she was no longer the same jolly hopeful person who tried to make do with what she can. Instead she was falling down and can no longer stand up erect. She had to be assisted in getting to bed. Hubby and MIL went to the hospital the following day where she spent the entire Christmas holiday..... Initial tests showed that she has a tumor in the right side of the brain which explains the paralysis of her left leg. Later tests showed she has the Big C and the prognosis doesn't look good. The doctor was fortright with hubby and his brothers. The suggestion even more straightforward. MIL can no longer withstand surgery or radiation therapy. The best recourse is to keep her healthy enough to manage the disease as it progresses. The condition was not revealed to her knowing how she still want to live a few more years but I don't think she doesn't know what she already feels ....

The rest of the time, I tried to keep up with the usual Christmas gatherings with friends, colleagues, and some relatives. This is one Christmas, however, that drains emotions and made me switch from one extreme to the other ..... If I had a choice, I would just like to skip this month altogether .....

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November in Contrast

Because it was the month we honor our departed loved ones.... The first day of the month set some poignant soul searching for the memories it brings...... It was as we always spend All Saints' Day. We trekked to the cemetery along with the throngs. We visited my mother and father's grave a week earlier than the actual day. There was nothing out of the ordinary. We lit our candles, offered prayers, lingered for awhile. My brother and I left the brood momentarily to visit our half-brother in a nearby grave. Then, we went home shortly.

Quite surprisingly, MIL agreed to not go to FIL's grave on the day itself but settled on the day after, All Soul's Day.... We had the usual thing. MIL and the helpers started the day early cooking a buffet for the family.

The day ended not very well when MIL fell ill and blamed BIL and hubby for her malaise because they teased her about being together with FIL in our next visit. MIL laughed at the joke when it was told but the light mood changed when she felt like coming down with the flu as we prepared to go home. Hubby was in a foul mood driving home as MIL continued to show sensitivity to the joke he and BIL made earlier. Apparently, the joke would be on them as revealed by events later .....

In the middle of this month, our labrador retriever, fell ill.... It just lay on its side after its morning walk, unable to move its hind legs. Hubby wanted whatever ails the dog to just run its course but I prevailed upon him to bring our lab to the vet. Our lab stayed with the vet for about a week. I visited him bringing along some of his dog friends. I would bring him home one day with his hind legs still not able to feel. We had to give him both medication and physical therapy to try to revive the bad legs. There would be days when things seems to look up..... I am keeping my hopes high ..... somehow, Jello seems to respond to me positively and I would form this bond with him as I encourage him to get well and walk like old times. He's always been a sweet dog but being large and untrained, I couldn't contain him when he is walked in the past..... I would handle some of his grooming needs when he is uncooperative with the helpers. In gratitude, he would lay his head on my side .... He gets a daily pat on the head from me whenever I get home ...

After the All Saints' Day spectacle, the rest of the month would actually pave the way for the merriment the following month.....

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October Fest

I am not sure whether I had the most celebrations this year but I know I had a lot since I have been meeting friends in restos at least once a week, not counting the weekends. I had my own celebration with my family at a Chinese resto which everyone was craving about. I think I had about six celebrations with friends and family, all in all....

I may not always feel the love that my family and friends have for me or perhaps I've taken such feelings for granted. But birthdays reveal what does not always show....

It was a tiring month depriving me of sleep on a number of days.... making me miss my cues, feel all kinds of aches, and be cranky at times..... yet, the company of my family and the few but true friends I treasure more than make up for whatever ails me on those days....

While most days I feel being dragged by the drudgery of life, each and every birthday reminds me that I am a wonderful creature of God and loved beyond I deserve.... I thank all of you who made me merry on my birthday month and most specially for keeping me company on days when I don't feel so special .....

Related Posts:
1. My Life's Journey So Far
2. Drifting
3. Ika 20 ng Oktubre 2008

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Sassy September

Resigned to being the favorite target of the powers-that-be after that fateful Friday the 13th

incident in August, I looked at my options and decided to coast along taking things in stride. I was expecting that the higher-ups would do something drastic like snatch me out of a very hopeless situation. The rift has dragged on for years with no reprieve in sight. Peace came when we were out of each other's sights. So is a miracle expected to happen? not in a million years ..... for the sake of sanity, I truly hope something is done .....

Undaunted and used to this situation, I have learned to ignore the people using everything that they can to make life unbearable for those like me who can't lick their rotten system and not let it affect me. After all, there is more to life than the life in the concrete jungle I inhabit 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. And I think about my home, my family, my friends, my pets, my hobbies, my cause ..... and actually believe that indeed life is beautiful .... you make life what you want it to be ..... and suddenly things seems light on this wonderful month....

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Ominous August

I have been so very, very, very, very remiss in updating this blog... writer's block, taking on more than I can chew or just plain lazy .... I think the last one would correctly describe the syndrome. I will try to the best of my ability not to lose it and update this blog pronto.... so help me please as I will write the succeeding entries aided only by a mind that falters due to LT & ST memory loss ...

Fortunately or unfortunately, August was an unforgettable month due a recurrence of an old situation. I never felt comfortable enough that all's well between us all this time even if we have mended fences ..... and so I thought ...

There wasn't anything I recall anymore about this month but that fateful Friday the 13th. My old nemesis told me to attend a meeting I wasn't apprised about. I came to the meeting because a good soldier follows his superior. Surprisingly, my boss and her entourage weren't in the meeting room long after the meeting started. Our superior showed irritation as she wanted everyone to be there before she starts. Once they marched in, she made them realize she felt slighted by the rude gesture. And the meeting unfolded ...

My boss appeared not happy and was not saying anything after a mild dressing down by our superior. For some reason, it felt different. The moment she took the report I brought to the meeting and began asking me questions about it at the same time our superior was asking one of the attendees the same questions she was asking me, I knew it would be coming. She was not attentive to the meeting but just focused on the document she took from me and scribble something there. Across her, I could read the very deeply scribbled familiar handwriting shouting the words SEE ME flaunted in front of her for anyone to see.

Not contented, she would tell the entire body that she wants to talk to me and wanted us to leave pronto as soon as the meeting was over. It felt like being pulled by the ear from my seat by my boss. For some reason, we both had to pass by the comfort place after a long meeting. She wanted to dress me down right there and then. I told her we better go to her room as we don't know what can possibly happen. She turned her back and banged the door and dashed out as I followed.

Even before reaching her office, she would tell her assistant to tell me to go to her room when I was just behind her. Is she delusional or simply wanted to make a show of her power to abuse subordinates? Once inside her room, she told me I should not speak and just listen to her. Is she giving a speech? because I was not really in the mood ... Her eyes were mad like she's in a rage and about to attack... After some exchanges, I was about to give her the floor motioning for her to give her piece as I was taking my seat, when she dashed out of her room and in a shrieking voice publicly gave me a dressing down. I was stumped but managed to return the complement by telling her to be the superior she expects me to be ....

Like old times, our top official's office was my only destination to unload what does not feel right. I hate bugging her with this old rift but where else would I go.... and I feel she should know.... hoping that one day she can do something about the situation that changed so many lives in a small office with a huge problem. I wasn't expecting much but told our top official and another official that I want peace of mind and simply want to transfer office. Still like old times, she gave me comfort listening to my woes but not a definite action....

.... and with this the old fire raged like it has not been seen before..... well, some things are simply not meant to be......

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Swirly July

It was a happy month marked with a number of celebrations starting with the birthday of ED. My girl is on the throes of womanhood but is still very much my child. As in the past, birthdays are celebrated by sharing a modest banquet in the choice resto of the celebrant... Tradition was still observed with some minor adjustment. School work prevented us from celebrating her birthday on the actual day and it had to happen some other day .....

After a few days, MD and I were off to the Golden Wedding Anniversary of the parents of a dear friend.  She and a sibling who are based abroad weren't able to go home for this special occasion. They planned this surprised bash for their parents who didn't want a celebration if the family is not complete.  The guests including us were already in the venue and were getting instructions from the children of the celebrants who have become friends through the years.  We used to hang out in their place because of its proximity to our school and because of Nanay's superb culinary skills  ...... I just love eating in their place which is so homey .... Tatay, Nanay and my friend's siblings have been like family to me and our other friends who frequented their old place  ....  This is one important occasion I wouldn't miss ....

This lovely couple takes pride in their great sacrifice to bring up their family despite their modest means.  Tatay was practically overseas all the time while Nanay performed the dual role of father and mother to my friend and her siblings.  Tears of joy were shed as the celebration progressed....  their children talked about the challenging times ... I felt a deep sense of joy inside me as I celebrated with them their long years of married life and secretly yearn for something amiss .......

One of the highlights of the month was watching the musical, Cats, with ED and MD, and some friends. Tickets were bought months ago. We always look forward to watching musicals as as a deviation from our daily grind. Watching Lea Salonga performing the classic, Memory, was the highlight of the show. Her 15 minute or so appearance was worth all the hard-earned money we paid for the show. The rest of the cast gave a rousing performance... made me regret missing Miss Saigon during its Manila run ....

On July 13, Typhoon Basyang which unexpectedly turned into a howler as it changed course made most people in Metro Manila and neighboring towns miss sleep as its killer winds tore rooftops, toppled trees and lampposts... I was one of those who missed a lot of winks fearing my glass door would be shattered as gusty winds kept slamming it. Electricity was cut for about four days in our place. A fuming President Aquino fired the Pag-asa chief in the aftermath of the storm for the agency's failure to accurately predict the typhoon's path. The government said that there was not much damage considering the strength of the storm. Oh yeah .... what about collateral damage... For one, hubby and I failed to report to work two days after the storm came to pass as we run out of water. We had to give way to the kids who were going to school.  There was no source as electricity needed to draw water was cut. I had to send a SOS to my friend V... who was out of the country so that hubby and I could take a bath and fill up some water container with the suddenly precious commodity. Electricity was restored in her place almost immediately...

One of the worst consequences for us was the death of many of our full grown kois. Suddenly, our koi pond looks so ghastly as it reeks of the stench of death. I didn't want to look at it anymore ..... Our flower horn showed signs of distress after 3 days without oxygen. We had to buy battery-operated pumps to save him and the remaining kois. A few hours after we made the purchase, electricity was restored in our place. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief as we started getting back on track ...

The last day of the month was marked with another celebration as MD, MS, and I attended a debutante ball in one of the hotels in the Metro ...  It was the birthday of the eldest daughter of a friend.  We used to be colleagues at work and we've seen each other through various phases of life .... from our swinging single selves to being wives and to being moms .... We have celebrated important occasions in our lives... birthdays, weddings, baptisms, anniversaries and spent holidays with our families together.  But when our careers took different directions, these gatherings became rare.  We would still spend important occasions but mostly without the kids.  I saw the debutante as a shy kid who was always clinging to her mom, my friend.  Now, I see a young lovely lady about to conquer the world .... It was a lovely party but more importantly, it was good to bond with old friends who still gives me the comforting feeling of the familiar ....

and July with all its swirls and thrills came and was gone like a thief in the night  ...........

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Moments

Moments is a segment I'd be starting soon in my blog where I'd be writing only parts and parcel of life as it comes.... I'm still doing an internal brainstorming on how this segment is going to take shape but what I'm sure of is it will not as revealing as my past journal. Instead, a glimpse will give the whole picture of events that I want to remember or be remembered with......

I have been so very delinquent and probably dispassionate about writing the past few months. I hope to rekindle my inner flame with this new segment. I wish myself luck and I need a lot of prodding too from friends and those of you who visited this humble home of mine. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  Your constant visit and kind words are truly inspiring to this eternal seeker :)

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