Toughie Women (Mga Sigang Babae)

Over dinner last week, my friend V........ and I were animatedly talking about the changes in us that come with aging. It's not only about the physical changes but the emotional manifestations that have been eating us. It was an engaging conversation because we can both relate to the issue. We feel that there are inconsistencies in our personalities and we are totally helpless in doing something about it. An offshoot of this personality flaw is our impatience and impertinence

I cautioned that it must be the onset of the M word that causing this. We are still not quite there yet but we might be experiencing PMS (I know girls way into their puberty are experiencing this discomfort as well but I am talking about the one for riped women... yes, lets not keep on mentioning it). I told my friend V...... about a classmate who had it earlier and thought she was acting bizarrely as she would hop from resto to resto eating just bits and pieces or just drinking coffee whenever she had her anxiety attacks. She also related her lack of patience for people particularly those lacking sense. During this trying period, she was barking up at loved ones but at the same time asking for understanding. This woman is really a gracious person and her past (mis)demeanor can be traced to the M word.

Going back to my friend V....... She is one friend I could pour my heart out to, no holds bar. We didn't use to go out as often as we do now. Her stature as a woman living alone (her hubby and daughters are in Canada seeking a new life as immigrants) provided the impetus to get together more often. She could have joined them except that she holds a rather secured job here that cannot be easily replaced in Canada. So this temporary separation appears to provide us the time to get closer before she finally joins her family). Anyway, topics ranges from family, in-laws, pets, home, friends, fashion, work at times (the kabwisitan at work).

We got into the topic of how as the years pass by, we are getting to be more antipaika to 'hapless' victims of our ire. The usual victims are security guards of subdivisions or malls, salespeople, PUV drivers, even some family members. Poor them if they get to us on our wrong side or wrong days. The issue would usually be immaterial but we make a big deal out of it often beating the hapless victim to a pulp verbally of course. We would be unreasonable at times insisting on our way even if we are not always right. Most of the time, we are right or at least partially right. Armed with this, we would 'attack' our victim resulting in a spectacle where the hapless victim is humiliated for crossing us. The humiliation actually works both ways as we would see people milling around or stopping to watch the verbal attack. The object of our ire usually is not afforded the chance to reply. Having ventilated our chagrin, that's when we realize we have created a scene. If we are with family members, they are long gone or would move away from the scene to avoid being identified as companion to us (ikinahihiya kami....). By this time, we would act cool and leave in a huff (parang walang nangyari).

We were laughing hard...... I swear I could almost pee as we would fill in each other's stories. I beg for understanding as it is beyond our control. We are not bad people. It maybe the hormones acting up making us crazy. So please forgive us our hapless victims. We promise to avoid you the next time we see you or better yet go to your other co-workers to choose our next victims. That way we equalize things. Please bear with us as we are going through a transition period. You or your mother, aunts, sisters, wife, in-laws will be going through the same ordeal......... and then maybe you'd understand us better.

The week was not over for both of us. In the weekend I would invite her for lunch at our home because Shopwise would have their oxtail at a promo buy 1 take 1. Of course, we had to have kare kare.

When V...... arrived at my home, she suggested that we go to Bag of Beans in Tagaytay to drink hot choco and have toast with butter and jam........ Cool idea! Well, this is a thing that seems easy with age....... the freedom to be impulsive....... to act on a whim with careless abandon..... However, that means two toughies are dangerously lurking the streets looking for their next victims.....

Move over people, V........ and I are coming to town.........

Related Posts:
34 Menopause Symptoms
How to Tackle Menopause Gracefully
Watch Out For Male Menopause Symptoms
What Is The General Early Menopause Age?

--> Continue reading...

Sarcasm Justified

If you were asked if a towel is to be replaced with a new one after this has been used for about a week? You might simply say yes. Me? Depending on my mood and who is asking, I'll say something like, "Wait for a year when the color fades or changes" or "Subject it to a litmus test, if it's basic, maybe not....if it's acidic, definitely yes...." My kid, my nerdy college kid who aced every conceivable entrance exams of top universities with flying colors and is a recipient of a scholarship program from one of the top universities, asked me that. Can you believe that?

I am usually more harsh when the person asking me such question is a loved one or a best pal. Maybe because we understand each other or they know I am predisposed to such sarcastic tendencies. It's a source of bewilderment to me why people should ask questions which they know the answers to or those without an answer. Let me cite some examples and the situation describing how such questions were asked.

1. One of my adult companion at home would inquire where his mother is when he knows fully well that she is in her room if he couldn't see her around. The slippers outside her room is a dead giveaway of her whereabouts. My response: deafening silence or an eyeroll whichever is more obvious.
   
2. In return, my other adult companion would ask where his adult son is when he is staying in his room. A variation is to ask if his son has eaten when the china, utensils, glass are untouched on a set table. My response: double eyerolls
3. Seeing a cup with half-full of coffee as his son hurriedly left for work, his mother would ask me, "(Name of son) didn't finish his coffee?" My response: a puzzled look but I would be very tempted to say that perhaps some of the other coffee evaporated and condensed right back into her son's cup.
4. While dining, I would also be asked by my eating mates why the dish is salty or is not delicious. This is true for both adult and children companions. My response: Should I answer that the dish is salty because there's too much salt or it's not delicious because it wasn't cooked well? In the first place, I didn't cook. Deafening silence or pretending I didn't hear are the ways I deal with this questions.
   
5. Upon discovery of a shortcoming by my helper, my adult companion is also fond of asking our helper, "(Name of helper), why are all the bags of the (same brand name) pet food opened?" He would wonder aloud why the helper is not responding while directing the question to me. My response: I would ask him, "How do you want that answered?" I will also tell him why don't you just point out the mistake instead of asking. I say this with a bit of irritation already. It's just too much.
6. My adult companion is also fond of asking me, "Can I leave the house alone?" My response: Since I don't want to point out the obvious, I would answer this with another question, "Why not, but would you like to leave alone?"
7. The daughter of my adult companion called one time to relate her bad suspicion because according to her she had a very painful "samid". To those who are not familiar with the term, "samid" is an involuntary coughing-like reflex accompanied by a combined itchy and painful sensation in the throat. Here, superstition lends to the belief that "samid" foretells something bad happened to the person you know or thought about. She told me the first time it happened, she thought of her mother but tried to dispel her suspicions. But her "samid" happened again and she thought of their mother again. So she decided to call even if she knows that their mom was out. My response: Even if I was intently listening, I wanted to just die for a moment and wasn't sure what to say. I just kept quiet and bit my lips. I tried to be polite because she herself realized that we will call her if something bad happens. As it was, she just wasted money for overseas call and my time for listening to her.
   

Btw, adult referred to above is way, way above 18. Our home has five adult occupants including me.

I probably got my sarcasm from my HS friends particularly this Dayap lady, my friend for life. With Dayap, I perfected the art of sarcasm. I recall that conversations among ourselves and even non-friends then were laden with sarcastic remarks. A question or remark was always responded to with the negative of what was supposed to be the appropriate response or reaction. If they see you tired, for example, and made the mistake of pointing out that you're tired, you should exaggerate that you're not with some facial expression. Or on a hot day, and it was mentioned that it's hot, the appropriate reply would be, "Of course not" matched with shivers. When hungry and asked if you would like to eat, you say you're full looking like you can devour a horse. Corny sometimes but it was our way of being funny. Most of the times, it worked.

I'd like to believe we are all intelligent, but we address each other as "tanga" or "tange" even up to now. I heard that addressing friends by these 'endearing' Pinoy terms connotes closeness. We also refer to each other by our "kapintasan" or those words used to describe your negative physical attributes, e.g., Dayap is also known as oklab. Anybody who can guess what this term means gets continuing education from me. I was called lumot or seaweeds in my HS days. I never knew why and I don't want to find out. So you see, we express our way of life through taunts, insults, and sarcasm.

I just can't understand why I should be wasting my time responding to useless questions. That's why I resort to sarcasm. I'd like to think it's still cute and funny. But as one ages, it can easily be mistaken for bitchiness. Even so, I can't help it. But that's me. It's my trademark.

This is not a call to arms. Patient ones, stick to your own tested routine. Let the curse of sarcasm end with me..... To my loved ones and other friends who do not understand, I beg your pardon. I'm only human. Please blame Dayap for all my transgressions. She trained me well. Please bear with me as I try to retrain myself into being more patient and understanding of people who love to put undue strain on other people asking silly questions with no known answers and those who are just trying to fill up the air with their voices to ask questions that they themselves know how to answer.

In the event that I can't change, I am willing to volunteer my services to people with problems with their spouses, in-laws, bosses, neighbors, etc. for free. Please email me or respond to this post so we can include you in my training calendar on "Sarcasm Made Easy for Daily Living".

--> Continue reading...

OCness

How do you feel about people who are excessively clean? who are eternally repeating instructions? who has to do something in a particular way? who has to keep things in the proper place always. I just described some characteristics of someone who is obsessive compulsive or OC.

I also have a confession to make.... I think I am OC.

Is there there really something wrong with us? I find my hubby and children resenting me for being particular about cleanliness and nagging them for clutter. I get upset if the house is not cleaned at a particular time. If I am actually in the house and it's messy, I start my tirade while at the same time tidying up the place. My helpers must be rejoicing. The stuff around the house has to be arranged a certain way. This extends to the creases of the cushions; the way the bed are made; the curtains fall; the decors are arranged or hanged; and similar idiosyncracies. I really cannot accurately describe the feeling I get when subjected to these aggravations.

Shoes and slippers used outside are not allowed inside my house. There are also several slippers used for each part of the house, one for the ground floor, one for upstairs aside from the bedroom slippers; one for the porch upstairs, one for outside, one for the auxiliary kitchen; and one for the garden. Maybe I have not accounted for all slippers. My husband complains why they have to use different slippers for each part of the house when my dogs can freely roam barefooted. Good point! But I am not letting my guard down. I do not respond to such questions but as a compromise I clean the paws of my dogs when they go outside. One dog used shoes before but she doesn't really like wearing these things. Incidentally, in Japan, people cannot bring footwear used outside in houses, schools, offices, or factories. For homes, visitors can wear their socks or go barefoot. Employees should have extra footwear to use inside the office or factory. Same for students in schools. For visitors, plastic shoe covers are provided in offices or factories. I love Japan for this! The practice extends to Japanese nationals living here and Japanese companies and operating in the Philippines.

During his guesting in Oprah, Dr. Oz, a health guru, said that many potential health hazards can be avoided by not bringing shoes used outside inside the house. Can you imagine all the places your shoes walk on? It troubles me just thinking about it.

Having several pieces of the same item applies to rugs of course, brooms, floor mops, some pieces of furniture, and other stuff. Sometimes, I would like to assign people to certain places. Dirty ones in the laundry basket and clean ones on the display rack. I am bothered by the sight of hair lying on the floor and itch to pick it up all the time. I often get up even when falling sleep to get something forgotten just to put it in the proper place.

I have a peculiar habit of washing my hands more than a hundred, maybe a thousand times a day.... For this reason, I have several faucets spread around the house. As a responsible pet lover, my daily dog-handling poses great discomfort.

There are certain things for which touching is taboo.... handrail of escalators or stairs; toilet seats and flush, hand grip in public conveniences; door knobs, other peoples' shoes; naturally garbage bins; and a whole lot more. I just have to let my imagination run wild and the list can run endlessly. Door knobs didn't use to be in the list but once I saw the cleaning lady in my office hanging the mop cloth on the door knob of our confort room, I can't touch it anymore. I try to address this problem by using paper towel or napkin when I have to handle the those things. Alcohol and hand wash are also handy solutions. I prefer the alcohol more because of the sticky feeling of the hand wash.

I feel uneasy when a sweaty or sticky person touches any part of my skin. Alcohol is the first aid for such occurrence but my thoughts will be focused on going home ASAP to get a good wash or shower. I detest stickiness. And being brushed by someone with sticky skin is enough to ruin my day. In a bus or jeep, I mentally hypnotize persons passing by in choosing my seatmate. When I see someone who looks fresh, I try to invite him/her to be my seatmate using eye contact and a slight smile. Sweaty persons are my pet peeves. Ironically, I usually end up seated beside such person. Call it karma but I don't enjoy it at all. Once, an old man sat beside me. Nothing gross. Then, he started picking his nose. Imagine my horror. I couldn't move lest some of his bogey accidentally gets to me. I wanted to stand up and protest but common courtesy prevented me from mauling the old man. I tried to shield myself from the yucky assault by looking the opposite way. I secretly told my daughter who was seated beside me to not touch any part of our seat. The alcohol is ready just in case.

Imagine also when flood water gets to my feet or legs. I once emptied a small bottle of alcohol after accidentally stepping on dirty water which went inside my shoes. I was uncomfortable during my whole trip going home. When I reached home, I wash my feet with my shoes on in my garage and wash my feet again in the toilet with soap and pour alcohol. I nearly boiled my feet to eliminate my discomfort.

As a result of my excessive hygienic requirement, I can hold my pee or poop for as long as it takes if I can't find a decent toilet. Even at the verge of explosion, I'd rather pee on my pants than use a dirty toilet.

Call me crazy... I also don't understand some of my idiosyncracies. I am aware it might not be normal but i can't help it. I am not doing this on purpose. Yes, I'm obsessively and excessively clean to a fault. I'm not proud but I can't help it. If this is a disease, tell me how to be cured. I do believe some of my idiosyncracies are also experience by many of us. If this is just psychological, please tell me how I can straighten up my mind so I can stop torturing myself.

Are you OC too? Tell me about it.....

--> Continue reading...