August 17 - 23, 2009: Stop Sweating the Small Stuff

I first heard this from a much younger colleague friend some years ago. I am almost always so hanged up on people or things that displease me. In one of my tirades, she blurted this out and I was taken aback. Often, we notice the flaws of another and fail to see our own. I am no exception. I always thought I am cool and that everyone thinks so. I would reflect on this gentle reminder as the week draws to an end......

One happy bit of news is the long weekend this week..... ya'y. I actually forgot about this holiday..... Ninoy's assasination a day of gloom for Filipinos. Any holiday is a welcome treat as I get to stay home with my family.

Coming from an unexpected dinner with my friend V.... well into the middle of the week, my helper told me that an applicant referred by MIL's assistant would like to talk to me. I said ok thinking we had to talk tomorrow as it was quite late. She said the applicant was upstairs ironing clothes. "Huh!..... and I have not even talked to her...", I said showing exasperation. My helper said that the applicant was insistent that she be the one to do the task. In the while, the applicant would emerge. Reluctantly, I would conduct my interview.

After introduction, I asked the usual probing questions like where she worked for and her relationship with MIL's assistant. I didn't have to ask much because she willingly offered information. She hasn't worked for anybody in a long time because she had to take care of five children aged 4 to 13 after her separation from a husband who beats them up. I listened as she continued to tell me that her siblings advised her to separate with her husband. I said that her husband might cause trouble in my home. She said that she doesn't know his whereabouts and that a restraining order against her husband has been issued for her and her kids' protection. Two of her children are with a brother while three are with another sibling. Three are studying. Her eldest was forced to quit school because of the want of finances. Her youngest had to be weaned off milk for the same reason.

With this information, I didn't have to ask more questions. I was compelled to hire her because she needs a job. I discussed with her the responsibilities, my expectations, and the compensation. She accepted and requested for a two-day off every month to visit her kids. I acceded to her fair request thinking I could have asked for a weekly day-off had I been in her place. But I just kept quiet thinking it is also to our advantage if she has lesser days off. She said she had to stay for the night even if she had not brought her clothes because she does not know her way out. MIL's assistant would bring her clothes the following day.

I went to my bedroom while she went to their bedroom with my other helper. That night, I couldn't sleep. It must be the coffee I had at my coffee break in the office. I am not supposed to have coffee later in the day as it affects my sleep. I never learned my lesson. But deep inside, I think it's more than the coffee which make me insomniac that night. I was thinking how a woman and five children survived the physical and emotional abuse perpetuated by someone who was supposed to love and protect them. More importantly, how will they survive the rest of their lives? I guess we could help in some way. I already employed her. A narcissistic decision but running the household including its member is part of my privileges.

My new helper's four-year old kid bothered me. She still needs her mother. I would make subtle hints to hubby on the possibility of the kid living with us. He didn't say no but asked what about the cost of providing for the kid. I told him just how much would a four-year old consume. Of course, there are various answers to that. Always headstrong, I knew that I will let the kid live with us at whatever cost.

In the morning, I would tell her to get her youngest kid when she takes her break telling her that hubby actually has not given his blessing. Tears fell from my helper's eyes. She would tell my other helper that her worries would be gone if her youngest daughter would be with her.

The week marks the first time that MS is sleeping over.... not at some friend's house. They had their retreat and attendance is a must. I had to personally seek his adviser to confirm that it was an overnight affair and if it was necessary that MS joins the retreat. He answered in the affirmative to both questions and gave me the assurance that I needed to hear.... that he is there. MS kinda warms up to this teacher..... a jolly and well-mannered guy. MS himself wanted to go. Despite the protestation of hubby about the cost of joining the retreat, there was no way that MS would not go. I'll make sure of that. Two days before the retreat, MS was already planning what he would bring asking me about his favorite pj.... the blue one with the cat drawing.... which unfortunately was still in the laundry. I suggested a matching top/pj set he received as a Christmas gift. He himself packed his clothes the night before his trip. I took care of the rest of the stuff he would need. He also packed food for the trip to the venue. He would refer to their advisory all the time. He was so excited that he couldn't sleep. He bade me goodbye in the morning. I missed him as soon as he was out of sight. I kept texting him because I forgot to give him instructions to text me his whereabouts. I had to text his teacher who told him to text me back. They had to surrender their celfones during the retreat. I would looked at his empty bed in the evening. Soon, I will get a text from MS assuring me he was fine and that he read our retreat letters.

I would fetched him from school the following day. He was jolly and cool even if I was late. The retreat must have done him some good.

This Sunday I was surprised to see this urgent email from a family member. I was afraid to read it as it sounded bad. But I had to. The family member who sent it was online as soon as I finished the email. He asked if I read the email. I, said yes unsure what to say. Because what do you say when love ends and a family is broken. That was the essence of the email. Another family is broken and added to statistics. This time, it is so close to home. We are saddened not for the two parties but for those affected. It was long time coming. That it should come now should not be a surprise anymore. Still, any separation tears the heart and I grieve for those lives that may be affected.....

Stop sweating the small stuff. I should not worry about what to serve for dinner, how to budget our limited resources, how to have a zero balance on my credit card, how to get ahead at work, how I do not always get what I deserve........ The world has enough real problems with no solution in sight..... emotion that has grown rawer...... hearts broken to pieces ..... broken dreams...... wasted lives.......