July 13 - 19, 2009: Unconquerable Soul

I was expecting surprises for the week but not the kind I got. I was taken aback by deductions from my salary for the past months due to undertimes. I had to miss work at times .... because of my other work. I am reaping the consequences of my past sins..... It was a huge cut and put a drain on my finances. I worry about paying my bills which fall due this month.

In the office, the new boss has not done much to change the situation. She appears bent on pushing for changes but would dilly-dally on reforming a very bad situation claiming the strong resistance. The leeches are still having their heyday even when everyone knows what's going on. I often wonder what the top dispensation would do. Are they too preoccupied that the status quo is allowed to persist? Or are they afraid to rock the boat fearful of the backlash they can get from those affected by any real change. Some actions to uproot bad managers from other offices resulted in ongoing legal battles. I guess they do not want to earn more enemies and would rather let the meek suffer.

Life goes on even as setbacks appear to douse cold water on my best efforts.....
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always.... Mahatma Gandhi

Towards the end of the workweek, rains raged causing suspension of school and work. The announcement came just a little too late. I was on the last leg of my trip to the office and would meet people from my building along the way telling me about the rather belated news. I still went on and sought temporary refuge from the rains in the office that has been hurting my soul.

I waited for ED whose classes were suspended as well. She and her dormates were trapped in their dorm due to floodwaters. After the water subsided, ED and I went home together for our real refuge. The rains hollered for two days and cleared up only in the weekend with some intermittent showers.......

I want to leave this week with a poem that my HS English teacher asked each and every student to memorize and recite before the class. I did memorize the poem after spending hours and hours repeatedly mouthing the words without really understanding it. Fortunately, I was called sometime midway through the oral recitation. I gave it my best effort but still fumbled at some points. I wasn't much of an orator....... nor a poet..... I was just glad when it was over.....

Invictus
William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Funny but among the HS stuff I remember is this poem in its entirety....... the words would often reverberate in my mind. Not sure if dementia could erase it from my memory later on. Now, I fully understand what the words mean. I have been spending my life living the words since I found its meaning........