June 21 - 27, 2010: Gutted

I was expecting this week to be most mundane. Weekly roller coaster rides can be daunting at times.....

I had been waiting for an important email which could make my life miserable for at least three months if what I am dreading to happen will happen. Yet, what remains of my pride prevented me from taking the initiative of finding out for myself what is becoming apparent now. It's every part-time educator worst fear.... I and the rest of the moonlighters have no load for the term because night classes will not be offered this term..... shucks.....

While the money I make from teaching sure helps tidy me up on those times, it is not for this reason alone that I chose to work my butt for 7 or so more hours a week on top of the regular 40 hours. Being a mentor is not really the best way to make money.... I see the time I spent in school as a break from all the madness..... The money may not be great but the psychic reward is immeasurable. Whenever I am asked what I do, I feel a sense of pride saying I am a mentor. While my official designation is that of a public servant, I am quick to add that I help mold young minds and feel really good about it..... with this development, dashed dreams for the time being..... we were assured that by next term, things would be back to what they were..... hopefully........

In the doldrums of the midweek, I was greeted with an unexpected bad news by V.......'s hubby.... The plant of the company where V...... is working was razed to the ground the previous night .... nothing was left. I have not talked to V...... the last few days. I felt that it probably was not the best time to call her right there and then. I called her after work and sensed she has not quite gotten over the whole thing. I asked if she needed anything or if we could meet. She said she just wants to sleep as she has not slept the previous night.....

Finally, we met up the following day..... Over margarita and nachos, we poured out, letting out just enough tears in an inconspicuous corner of a dimly-lit resto bar. What happened to V..... 's plant was so unexpected that her plans might just change abruptly.... She was planning on joining her family in Canada next year without certainty.... but now, there is just enough compulsion to do that soon. It might be what V..... wants, needs.... The company would have reason to relocate operations in a country that might be more conducive to investment since there is nothing left here anyway but human resources which is seen as dispensable by these big capitalists..... so I'll be left again by a friend.... and I couldn't hide the sadness.... but if that is the only option, then I guess she must do what she has to do.... We went home after we finished our drinks......

The weekend went on uneventfully.... with the usual chores and skeds....

On Sunday, MD would be going with ED to the condo because of an early class the following day. Hubby was out, too. MS was on the lappy all the time. With a house almost empty, I decided to give myself a treat at the saloon after bringing the girls to the bus station.... I was almost done when I got a call from V....... and she called at the right time. I was waiting for someone to meet up with.......

In a few minutes, we were at the cafe trying to enjoy what remains of that weekend..........

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Sunshine From My Window

Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by a text message from my son’s teacher telling me that my son placed second in their declamation contest. It actually made my day.

We never knew about that declamation contest; moreso, that he was chosen as one of the contestants after passing the qualifying round. Up to now, the details are still a bit sketchy. It’s being revealed to me little by little….

The day before yesterday, I was surprised when my facebook chat box popped out with a message from my son as I was about to go home from the office. My initial reaction was one of exasperation. First, he wasn’t allowed to use the pc or lappy on school days except for school work and he observes this rule religiously. He used to have a celfone which he lost in one of his commutes with his nanny. He needed something and he knew that I was always online. He said he needed a flannel long-sleeves checked or plaid shirt for his farmer costume… I asked when he needs it and he said tomorrow. What!!!??? and he’s only telling me now. I patiently asked with a tinge of irritation why he did not tell us during the weekend to which he could only gasp, “Oh”. I followed it up with the reason they needed a flannel shirt. He coolly threw back a question, “Oh, didn’t I tell you that I was chosen to be one of the contestants in the declamation contest. “ Inside I was thinking it was another of their class activities. So I had to change my reaction to one of involvement even if it was not my fault that I didn’t know. I told him to search for a plaid shirt in his dad’s cabinet in case I won’t be able to find a flannel shirt. He came back and said there are some but they look like shirts used for the office. I told him that if there is no alternative, he’d use that. He said ok.

I prepared to leave the office as soon as I hang up the phone. Good thing that traffic was light. When I reached the mall, I tried searching for the flannel checked shirts and the salespeople told me they don’t have checks in that material. I looked at my alternatives and was flipping through racks of shirts which he can probably use for a debut party we would be attending later this month but changed my mind after realizing that check shirts would not probably look good in a debut party in a hotel. My next option was to look for shirts on sale. I had to call my son twice in the middle of searching to tell him I couldn’t find a flannel shirt and that I would buy a plaid shirt that looks like one used by a farmer. He said yes.

When I reached home, I called him to try on the shirt incase I still have to return it. It fits………. Wonderful!

The following day, I prepared the rest of the costume and handed the bag to him as he was hurrying to go to school…. I didn’t think so much of it anymore and went through the normal course of activities. Then, I got the text message………

After work, I met up with my middle daughter in the mall; went for some unplanned splurging; and went home. As we were waiting for our ride, I remembered my son’s feat and told my daughter. There was a glow on her face as I revealed the good news. But unlike us, she knows more details about the contest. This daughter is the one that my son refers to as his ‘enemy’ because they are always at each other’s back. With my eldest staying at a condo, they are left together in the house and my daughter would play the guardian role to him when hubby and I are not home. He looks at her with awe and some fear. My daughter told me that her brother came up to her some weeks ago asking for help in memorizing his piece for a declamation contest. So she heard him recite his piece….. I asked how he was… She said he is good in delivery but have not fully memorized the piece at that time so would stammer on some lines….. She also never heard the polished piece since he rehearsed with her…. She knows how his brother was chosen. It appears that his adviser, Sir Phil, who has been his adviser for the past three years, forced him into joining. Two classmates already qualified and he was told to join…..

This morning, my son went inside my room, to brush his teeth. He 's been doing this for sometime even if he has his own bathroom. He says he likes my bathroom. I took the opportunity to ask some more details about the contest. I wanted to know if it was a school-wide activity. He said that two levels competed, freshies and the sophies…… even more cool. He is in his sophomore year. I was trying to make him recite the winning piece to me but he was in a hurry and went back to his bathroom.

I or maybe all of us never have much faith in my son’s ability in school. I would just like him to not have failing marks every grading period but this is not always so. He had summer classes in the past for subjects he needed to brush up on. Last year, it was a relief for all that he didn’t have to attend summer classes. He doesn’t want attending summer classes. More importantly, I think he did a last ditch effort to pass all his subjects as he had failing marks with just one grading period to go before the school ended. When it was time to get his report card, there was a mix of anxiety and fear seething inside me. My eldest daughter got his card. Everyone was in disbelief that he passed all his subjects and even had high marks on some subjects.

This morning, a ray of sun peered gently through my window settling on a portion of the wall. It was a lovely refreshing sight after the howler that came last night. The teacher’s text message was my ray of sun yesterday …….

To spice up this story, hubby shared an amusing conversation he had with my son yesterday on their way to his school just before the declamation contest. Since we thought nobody heard him recite his piece yet, hubby was asking my son to recite his piece and my son refused telling hubby that he was conserving his voice. Undeterred, hubby wanted to know if he memorized his piece. My son who is not used to being given too much attention as far as the academic side is concerned, told hubby that he knew as soon as he read his piece…. Whoa….. Not contented with his probing, hubby asked my son about using proper diction with hubby explaining a little to him about pronounciation, pacing, and timing. After my son understood the concept, he told hubby, “Duh, I’ve been speaking in English for 13 years” without missing a beat…… Hubby knew he had to shut his mouth……. I guess he was chuckling after he dropped off my son to his school on his way to work…. I can tell from the look of his face as he was relating his conversation with my son…. Even with very little sleep, I felt good this morning…….. Who wouldn’t when I know that my son’s time has finally come ……….. the sun will continue to rise for him…….

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June 14 - 20, 2010: Letting Go

Monday is a holiday as Independence Day fell on a Saturday. A holiday is always something to savor...... I did......

It was the usual workweek except that there were only four days for most. I had to squeeze in making grades because of a deadline imposed. This is one task that is too much of a chore for me. With just a handful of students, it should not really take too much time. What makes it taxing is the difficulty of adjusting certain portions reasonably just so certain students can make the cut....... I remember a time when my class was like a pressure cooker everytime that grades were to be given.... I had quite a reputation for being an executioner. I guess I mellowed down over the years......

I still have not heard from ED till the very end of the work week. MD, she, and I had a previous plan to meet up that Friday and do some shopping for clothes as we'll be attending a debut and watching Cats next month. I was certain it wouldn't push through...... Then, I got a text message from MD asking if she would come to the office. I asked if ED was coming and she said no. I asked if she knows how to come to my office and she doesn't. I told her I'd give her direction once she is on her way. I asked MD another time to ask ED........ still negative. I guess it's just going to be me and MD. MD had to take her lunch before she meets up with me. A long time passed and MD hasn't texted.... I asked her what's taking her long. She said that ED is going with us and she's in her condo waiting for her sister. I felt relieved and was secretly chuckling inside..... When they set out, it was ED who was communicating with me. I told them to meet me at the mall. They could eat if they had to wait for me. MD asked through ED if I'll shoulder the cost of their meal. There was no way I wouldn't......

They arrived at our meeting place ahead of me and went to a burger place... After finishing up some stuff in the office, I set out to meet up with my daughters taking the train to avoid traffic. I was still far and I could see them waiting for me outside the resto. ED came to me and kissed me. There was no need to say anything....... I was extra generous with my girls particularly ED. ED is not the clothes shopaholic, it is actually MD and I who are. So whenever ED fancies something, she would usually get it whether it's from me or it's from her dad. We were looking for bargains but some interesting stuff turned up. ED ended up buying the most among the three of us. The girls were tired and I was starving after turning up the place inside and out. We sought refuge in a nearby chinese resto. After dinner, we went home.....

The following day, I gave ED the stuff she was asking from me..... the subject of our altercation. It was something I'd like to keep for myself but I let go of it.......

We also had to let go of our stay-out pet caretaker in the weekend. I thought she wanted out......   A few weeks ago, she intimated to the other helpers that she would leave once her husband is able to find work. I talked to her one lazy afternoon about her plans. She confirmed what she told the other helpers. I asked her if I should look for someone already. She said yes. I told her there's someone waiting to work for us. We could already call him. She nod grudgingly.....

The replacement came about three weeks ago. Hubby let our stay-out pet caretaker to stay on so as she can train the new helper on the job and make for a smooth transition. We still maintained her a couple more weeks out of compassion. Her husband hasn't found work yet.

Hubby was in the supermarket with MD for our weekly shopping when he texted me to tell our stay-out helper that this is her last day.  He said he might not be here when our helper goes home. I didn't want to do it. Letting go of someone in our employ is one thing that I would have a hard time doing. I stalled and stalled until hubby and MD returned from their shopping. He asked if I told our helper. I told him I haven't .... He was motioning me to do it and I was shaking my head. I motioned that he should be the one to do it..... I saw how uneasy it was for him, too. He and MD were going out again and he had to do it immediately. He was pacing back and forth his car. Our helper was walking one of the dogs. Hubby approached her and talked to her briefly. I was near hubby's car and asked him if he told her. He said yes and that our helper said she understood. Hubby and MD left again. I was there uneasy as I have a soft spot for this kind of things.... I had to tell our helper she could assist in the dog chores in the weekend if she hasn't find a job yet...... She left shortly........

So that is my emotional rollercoaster for the week......

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June 7 - 13, 2010: The Hurt

I was immensely enjoying my free time from being liberated from a responsibility I was thrust into by fate. I didn't have to spend time monitoring the site which admittedly eats up so much time not to mention opportunity lost from spending quality time with family and friends.

However, I still check on the music site from time to time just to see how they are doing. From all indications, it appeared to be crumbling. The mess was even played out in one of the segments and I had to ask a friend at the site to remove the said post. It was removed belatedly and damage was done. I was thinking that in any undertaking, nobody is indispensable. Anyone could fill up a void. My absence could easily be masked as an unexpected break because of numerous competing concerns. But it was not to be....... My departure was followed by another one.... That proved to be the last straw.....

By midweek, I knew I had to help institute some damage control. I appeared at the site as a friend making requests so as to have a semblance of normalcy. The segment is being manned by one of my first friends in the old site. She was returning to vjeing chores from a long hiatus as her hubby who works outside the country was home for his annual vacation. My unexpected presence led to the two of us catching up and for some reason she hit my soft spot. Next thing I knew I was back in the site and taking control of things once again. I had to make an appeal to the other vj who left the site after I did...... It took more than a day before he would reply.......  We all heaved a sigh of relief after that.... and we took to our tasks like nothing happened. I, however, had to stressed to my friend the essence of teammanship and supporting each other ...... I guess she understood.........

So the rest of the week, I was back to the site manning my board, making friends, snooping around and thinking how we can make the site better. I guess once a music lover, always a music lover........

The week also marks the end of another term in the school.... I will have to go through the motions of deciding who should make the cut once again.......

In the weekend, a hurtful remark between ED and I coupled with poor timing turned ugly. She was teary-eyed and dashed to her room banging the door behind her.... I was hurt and mad..... Hubby had to ask me what made ED cry. I was like a fallen fighter on the defensive..... I told him I simply asked ED why she was mad....

I had to go some place and meet up with friends right after that.... My brother texted that he was coming over upon the invitation of MS. It was too late to change plans and I went on meeting up with my friends telling my brother to just come over... We spent a couple of hours catching up over coffee. I told them I was in a hurry because I will be seeing a movie with MD.... a plan I made last weekend thinking that I have more free time as I was out of the music site. Last weekend, I had a movie date with MS....

When I went back home, my brother and his family were in our home. ED was gone. She went back to her condo with nary a word. I felt a pinch in my heart. We quickly had dinner as MD and I were trying to go for an earlier sked of the movie. My brother and his family had to cut short their visit. They went with MD and I to the mall and we parted ways. MD and I went to see Sex and the City 2. Well, it was not quite what I expected. I like the first more that this one.... The song number in the flamboyant videoke bar was a bit tacky and overdone.... I hope they didn't have to do the singing. I was cringing in my seat. The clothes and styles were something else, however.... I think I will try out one of those hairstyles....

After we went back home, I hurriedly set up the lappy on my lap table and propped myself on the bed to man my board. I was hoping to receive a text message from ED like she used to do everytime she goes out and reach her destination..... nothing.... I thought to myself, "fine", if that's how she likes it..... but I was hurting.... With tears in my eyes, I manned our board just like I used to.........

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