Turning a New Leaf

"What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating," Jobs said in his Stanford speech. "I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.".... Steve Jobs. former Apple CEO

I kept reading Jobs's thoughts on being fired from a job he so loved .... and realized that the end of a beautiful thing need not be the end of everything ... as has been said, everything has a season .... with each beginning comes an ending ...... and so with this blog as I make one last post .... to end this chapter of my life .... there were good times, there were bad times ... there were times I simply coasted along .... somehow I got through... calloused, bruised but wiser and richer with experiences that imparted a lot of lessons .... As I turn the last page of this episode, a new leaf unfolds in my new home.... if you were with me in this

journey, join me in 22karat which will be my soundboard from now on ... For starters, the name pretty much describe my current state ..... golden and proud ..... It could have been the purest thing, 24k .... but after some thought, 22k is just the right mix for this perfectly imperfect human being ....... enough of the teaser as the rest has to be told in the new place ..... I will still revisit this old home that has given me so much security and comfort ..... to feel the familiar ... on those times when I feel the need to relive the memories. Like before, there is hesitation to leave the familiar .... but it's time to move on .....

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Dancing to the Tune in June

A month that will test my mettle ....

More krap came my way but I was ready... armed only with guts and the astuteness of one who has had too much .... and assisted by my counsel. I went to the trap conference laid out to bait find out and draw blood from my own mouth ferret out the truth ... as they want to have it .... My counsel presented the same position I had since that charade started

You see the CCF is a by-product of many days of morphing into what it is today through the abled manipulations of RB, her trusted aide T....., the new super alalay who inherited another kingdom from RB's old friend turned nemesis, and some other people close to thy Royal Highness ... during the time they are all members of the Ineffectual Accounter cum Underminer which is supposed to uncover anomalies in the bureaucracy including erring employees. True to form, they will not pass up an opportunity to use their positions to take advantage of the opportunity to do me in the guise of bureaucratic expediency but still be politically correct
Finally, I was face-to-face with the members of the CCF. Some expressed mock surprised when my counsel and I walked into the KC at their designated time. One of them had the gall to tell me that they are expecting that I won't show up because I didn't in the first two times. I would like to reply, "Duh... I'm here..." except that we have to respect the august KC.  I opted not to face them in the initial invitations because it would have felt like walking into a snake pit .....After all, I have raised issues that remained unanswered which would have tilted this case against me....  I felt I needed more than the truth and courage to face them. So here I am ready with my counsel....

At this time too,  the Queen, sensing trouble, once again used her loyal allies as convenient scapegoat asking them to deflect my threat of a battle of wits with petition against me termed as sidling up to a paternal head by this true-to-form Santita character as she tried to coerce persuade a colleague to sign a concocted petition against me ... dog loyalty in action ..... it's so unfortunate that mindless cult members readily accede to such threat gentle persuasion ...

 N.B. After all the fiasco, the case was left to dangle again as I have not heard from the the members of the KC to this day ....

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One Fine Day

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. Mother Teresa

One last look before I stepped out of my homey abode painted a priceless picture of my three lovable dogs by our door looking at me with sad eyes as I left…. That nearly made me change course but the practical and thinking side of me prevailed over the weaker and emotional me …..

Smile …. Read this sign posted on a corner sari sari store…. And I can’t help but put on a smile, taking care not to let anyone see my silly grin. I was walking thinking my day is made with one single sign. As I continued walking, I would see two elderly male neighbors in a huddle with one of them giving out a familiar boisterous laughter…. I would secretly laugh remembering Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in the movie, Bucket’s List….. One of my male neighbors maneuvered his bike to head home but instead of going straight to his destination, stopped me on my tracks to ask about the remedy for his dog’s skin ailment. He also happily told me about his dog giving birth. The same dog he tried to breed unsuccessfully two years ago at a very young age for which I ‘scolded’ him after it was revealed to me that he asked me to have that dog mated with mine without telling me the real age of the dog. He never got back to me after the first incident. Now he is back asking me about dogs which he thinks I master. He is the same person who brought me his dog halfway through whelping with a puppy’s behind protruding. I gave him and the dog a ride to my vet. Instead of dismissing him, I listened to his problem and offered a suggestion promising to give him a better treatment in the weekend if he comes to my house. He went his way after our brief conversation.

The other elderly gentleman likewise had his time with me as he called my attention with a question. He asked if I am on a diet. I had to ask him to repeat his question and I heard him right. With a sly smile, I said "no and I never diet". He said that I am sexy. And I couldn’t contain the laughter, biding him goodbye and going my merry way…..

All the way to the office, I had my thoughts trained on something else… perhaps this is the perfect time to carry out my long-conceived plan…. Deep in thought, I sent several text messages to the vet who will make a house call later; a dog owner in my phone book listed as owning a stud that I need for this heat season; my helper to give additional instruction for the vet’s house call; and my handyman/contractor to talk about a project related to my plan….. was thinking perhaps the time is near ……

As I near the office, I felt the all too familiar hesitation in my steps like something heavy puts enough burden on my feet. I have to drag myself to reach my destination. I recall yesterday’s meeting with the top official as she told me to do one final act of appeasement with my ‘enemy’….. and it’s not only getting to be a habit, it’s becoming tiring too. For crying out loud why should we always have to give in to mindless, whimsical follies like her …..
Recently, I met a former colleague on a project I worked on not too long ago and she asked about me. She must be feeling good about herself as I heard she now heads a department formerly handled by an ailing top official of their office. I gave a curt one-liner to her question, “Crossroads”… followed by “as always”. She acknowledged with a knowing smile followed with a lunch invitation. I replied saying, I’ll arrange something with our other friend-colleague and will get in touch soon.

All of this happened one fine day …….

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Trying May

After the ups and downs of the early months felt like mood swings of a woman having mid-life crisis, here comes May with all its weight ....

For one, the boss is up on her toes again, edgy and all-excited about a new foolproof plan. This time, she managed to get the bureaucratic machinery which we shall call the Chummy Cohorts in Fact or the CCF on her side as she wittingly devise ways to get back at me. The CCF appears bent on prosecuting me for the crimes imagined and concocted by her. Not surprisingly, she has the ability to manipulate this body of supposedly disinterested parties in the case, and likewise believe that her true intentions can be hidden through bureaucratic machinations... I had to fight back... It's been one long paper trail and frankly I have had enough of her shenanigans ... this couldn't be like this for long ....


First, I got an invitation to a day in a kangaroo court. Through that invitation, I got to know who heads the CCF and it's no surprise it's one of the friendly forces of RB. Later, I would get to know the other members. Giving one or two of the members the benefit of the doubt, I'd say the rest are fine..... except that they would in all likelihood not offer a differing view knowing who I was up against and who heads their body. It gets better if this case progresses.... because if the CCF finds merit in the boss's accusations against me, the case will be elevated to the CIF or what we shall call the Comrades in Fact. Guess who is in this body.... wink, wink ** (clue: he is one of the new outside additions to the Kingdom)

 On my part, I tried to expose the real intention of that body by questioning their real motive. I tried to use moral suasion and objectivity in asking the friend of the boss to give up her position if indeed she has no interest in this case. But luck was not to be on my side as callousness rules. Later her nifty pañero in the CCF will try to impress to the other members how I distrust the body.... when all I wanted was for the head, an ally of the boss, to inhibit herself for the sake of delicadeza.

 As expected, all of the kingdom's loyal subjects were asked to put up their production number in front of the CCF in a number of inquisitions. There were blood, sweat, and tears (no credit to the 80s band) shed but these are mostly crocodile tears. I still wonder what all the fuss was about when her subjects and I hardly interacted at work and at play. I would get about two more invitations to this charade.

 I decided bring up the matter to the attention of the top bosses who in this instance would see no evil in this set-up even as they were sympathetic. haaaay.......

And so I thought about it long and hard ..... and if they want to play hard ball, let's play hard ball but in my own terms.....

 

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April Showers

I consider this a month full of blessings for so many reasons ...........

The dogs gave me litters of puppies. Six of our dams gave birth and our hands were full attending to the fur mums and their litters but nobody is

complaining. Ever since we discovered the joy of living with other living creatures, our home was virtually turned into a miniature pet haven. Sure, there were noises, even some noises during unholy hour and small inconvenience when we have friends and guest coming over. I am not sure if some of them get turned off because of our living arrangements. One time, a friend said, the house smells of dogs.... We must have been immuned to the smell that we don't smell the doggie fragrance... We try to keep our surroundings clean and aerated but there would be days when the dogs, being dogs, would smell like one. We don't mind those days but perhaps it's a turn off for some ... we have probably assimilated living with the dogs ... so don't expect changes just because we can't suit your nasal standards ... On the other hand, our dogs help us realize that the best things in life are free.... which is probably just what some people I know, need .... hmmm .... There have been studies about how pets relieve life's stresses... it comes as no surprise that happy and easy people are pet lovers.

It is also summer vacation time for the kids. In all likelihood, they would be vegging out, pigging out, and social networking all the time. I hope not...

Surprise of all surprises, MS didn't have to go to summer class.... this after he was failing in the third quarter.... His adviser informed us about what is becoming imminent in the PTA for the third quarter and we just accepted with resignation my son's fate of going to summer class. When we asked him and attributed his dismal school performance to time spent playing computer games and not studying, he turned the table around and took us to task telling us we are never around for him.... that got us guilt-stricken for days and I had to take action fast. Hubby and I agreed to get a tutor for my son even if the outcome is uncertain with very little time left. By some twist of fate, I dug from the deep recesses of my mind that my neighbor's fiance is a math teacher in high school.... halleluyah!!! I knew this all the time and the need for a tutor for my son never emerged until now .... Immediately, I took steps to talk to my neighbor and later to her fiance..... and suddenly MS has a tutor.... With just a bit of luck, he likes his tutor who bears a striking resemblance to both his former adviser whom he likes and respects and an uncle whom he adores. Even the demeanor of the tutor has an uncanny similarity to his former adviser and uncle .... There are some guilty feelings making an arrangement for MS that makes it convenient for hubby and I to dispense with our parental duty... but it is the best that we can do under the circumstances.

Hounded by thoughts of bearing the hot summer sun trekking to school and not having a summer vacation, MS took his tutoring sessions seriously. The results were immediately felt. MS no longer was the cranky, frustrated teen who hated math. He was, in fact, coping well.... so well, that we were in disbelief when he told us that he was exempted from taking the last major exam. We didn't want to hurt his feelings but we wanted to make sure he got it right. I told him to ask his adviser to clarify if his exemption from the exam means that he passed the subject.... My thought was that the exam was immaterial because he failed the subject... Aside from him asking, I sent a text message to his resource teacher who also is not aware of his status. When MS came back with his adviser's reply, he was sure he is exempted from taking the exam.... my only worry is that it could have meant failure... my doubt was somehow erased by the fact that his adviser or teachers never advised us to prepare for summer class even during the last day of class which I attended.... he must have passed ... I hope ....

It was a workday when MS's report card was to be released and I had to ask ED to take over the role of guardian to be able to get MS's card. I can't get my mind off it even while I was in the office and I had to text ED for MS's grade in math. She confirmed that MS passed ..... a whooping 9 percentile point leap from his previous failing mark ....... and I felt proud like never before ... ED and MD might get mad at me for this ..... but the feeling is even far exhilarating than going up the stage to receive honors for my two girls.... something tells me that MS can accomplish greater feat if he puts his mind and heart into something.

What could get better than this...... I am out of the firing range in the kingdom .... little furry bundles of joys are a source of delight at home..... MS came bouncing back with a vengeance ..... these showers of blessing paint a beautiful rainbow of colors against the sunny bright skies .....

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She Came Marching In in March

Oh, when the saints go marching in
Oh, when the saints go marching in
Lord, how I want to be in that number
When the saints go marching in

This is actually an apocalyptic song that sounds just right this month when she came marching in with so much funfare as usual .... a shower of confetti and a band could have made her entry more spectacular.

This post could very well be entitled the Comeback.... but I settled on this title as it sounds cool ....... She came marching in not exactly with the band but with creating noise just the same .... as her royal loyal guards announced her return, I instantly felt relieved that I'm finally out of the Lioness's den....

After much ado about her comeback, she's finally back ... There was so much speculation before she finally came back... At times, she wanted to appear mysterious and made anyone guess when exactly she is coming back... There were telltale signs and there were obvious signs ... Frankly, I didn't give a damn. I just wanted my life back and moreover I want out of that office pronto as what was promised me ... but you know how we all should deal with bureaucracy to maintain order in our lives... so I still must.... one more time....

Her coming back is both a boon and a bane .... It's a good thing because we all can lead normal lives (as it is in this office) again. What about her? You think the vacation could have changed her ... a bit ..... fat chance... I often wonder why there is so much anger in her .... why she isn't just content about making people's lives miserable.... that she need to vent her destructive ways to make sure that anyone who crosses her is beaten to a pulp ... you know how a bully gets satisfaction from seeing his victim down and out and shamed ..... I think I am one of the fortunate ones she couldn't really pin down...... to her chagrin .....

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed. Carl Sandburg

But I think she came with vengeance in mind .... just like old times.... There were no usual turnover rites when I handed her back the reins of leadership of this office. Instead, she sent out a very impersonal email to make her presence felt outlining the tasks to be done... There was one email she sent to some of the people I worked with announcing that she is back and that I will effectively become the support staff of a major task that I handled.... talk about flexing muscles.... i'm ... oh ... so moved .... She would even let me hear her conversation with other people I dealt with telling them that she is now the boss, dismissimg my role while she was on leave, like anything that has to do with me be forgotten quickly .... I don't know what her problem is seeing the office still intact ... and this is what I get for allowing her the luxury of taking a medical leave.... whoa

I don't have very good memories of being in this office all these years. I was lucky that the periods that she and I were actually together are shorter than the times we existed together without care about each other's concerns. Either she or I was assigned somewhere or on some projects emanating from other offices. There was a time she was away for a full two years presumably to pursue higher learning that will redound to the good of the Department... so help us God ..... or like the last absence, she was forced to take a leave for health reasons. There were a number of times, the office had other bosses... not exactly a good time for me as the status quo was simply maintained and she was actually still running it by remote control ....

Still, there has to be some good arising out of this phase of my life.... nah ... Maybe, for the lessons of courage and patience it taught me .... and seeing how people you know for a long time evolved from being persons who are sensible to being trapped and helpless unable to distinguish between right and wrong that they allow themselves to be used under the cloak of law and order out of sheer fear of a backlash .......... some even would sell their souls .... just for a bite of power

This time that she is back gave me a much more firm resolve to get out of this office. That should be happening soon .... I did what I was told. It is time to get a payback ......

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February Quite Contrary

I was getting into the hang of things at the office even if there would be uneasiness at times ... Thrust into something I didn't feel so good about but need to do just the same.... a necessary evil so to speak .... this month zoomed so fast that it felt like I was being tossed around. What with the boss who is supposed to be sick wanting to call the shots every so often and undermining the authority ... on times, she would try to appear meek by telling her people that she was leaving things to me .... and will be back again sometime to wreck havoc on my leadership.... shouldn't she be in bed recuperating.... more importantly, shouldn't she be thankful that I took on a thankless job and am trying my darndest best to do whatever needs to get done without expectation of anything from her or anyone .....

She had the nerve to taunt my ability in pointing out to people I deal with, top officials included, what apparently does not sit well with her in one of my major assignments .... what compounds the situation is she would say it's not right but she couldn't pinpoint exactly why it isn't right to her. Ironically, we are making great progress on that work. It's probably hard for her to be out of the limelight on a major activity and is itching to get back in the limelight .... this is one big opportunity that she couldn't take advantage of.... so she had to create some noise...You know how some shallow people sound like empty cans .... I had to shut her off in some communication; on this one, in particular, when her only goal was to embarrass me. She was trying to paint a bad picture of how I was handling the job and wanted to appear more knowledgeable than what she really is at this point. Her people would give her feedback she'd like to hear, piecemeal at most, just to please her. She would shut up one time and then be back again.... as she couldn't make her mind whether she wants out or in or could she not just resist the urge to wield her power....She certainly knows I do not succumbed to threats nor am I about to bite into her trap ...

What is her problem anyway that she couldn't detach herself from this office!!!??? Reason dictates that she should just allow me to function well for the sake of the organization... Or is she afraid that I will succeed and create a ripple that could send her the shivers .... I am not after her position, stature, or power. It's just a job that I had to do .... and even if there is very strong resentment among her people towards me in this office, I would not want the office to fall just because of someone's pettiness ...

Her people is another matter that needs to be dealt with circumspect. They hate me to the bones. Why? I could only surmise that they are not happy about having less freedom in doing the things they love doing. Their perks were drastically cut which probably explains the uneasy silence. Income would be meager for the rest of my stay .... One of the runboys made the mistake of loudly asking if they have prepared their computation for their extra income. I was behind a cubicle.... suddenly there was silence... an average person would know even without seeing that the big mouth had been secretly silenced through sign language and meaningful stares .... talk about conspiracy .... and talk about being blatant ... tsk tsk ...

For the rest of the term, I did not receive any request for extra income or perks except from three of them... two are valid requests... except two of them were not entitled to it .... the other one requesting for accommodation had questionable entries... I did not want to meddle in their perks but I do not want my hands in there either... so I told them to claim those when the real boss arrives.... I must have earned enough hate points with that last shutdown.

About this time, the boss began making herself visible.... I would know because there were a few times she asked the driver to wait on her while she was officially on leave and even dispensing with the courtesy of asking me .... The poor driver's loyalty was put to test and I had to give way to make the situation less problematic for somebody without a real choice. I could have toughen my stance but it's not my job on the line. I don't want to do it at somebody's expense. How an official of her caliber can do such things no longer surprises me.

Also about this time, she came to the office, had a talk with the Big Boss and all of a sudden was out of a position she so very much cherished. The official press release was that she wants to work at a more relaxed pace ... But something doesn't quite fit in.... She was dying to have that position in the past .... what's with the turnaround.... and someone as harried as her living a relaxed pace.... cmon ... never happened ... never will happen ....

In the last week, I feel relatively at ease since nothing is pending... Normalcy in this chaotic place is about to be restored... I can honestly say I am pleased with myself, even feeling a sense of fulfillment, because I did the best that I could given the situation... everything that needs to be done is done .... more importantly, the time is almost done .... and I can't wait to go back to being a recluse ....

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