Lessons of Life

My three kids are my reason for being. Three different individuals whose differences make each of them a challenge to my parenting skills but I would learn along the way.

My eldest daughter has always been the quiet one. She was not fuzzy as a kid. She was a picky eater and so slow to gain weight. I remember that at two months she didn't want wetting her diapers. I was using cloth diapers because I had started advocating environment protection. I started toilet training at two months. If I was up and quick, she can hold her pee long enough till we got to the bathroom. She wasn't too fond of disposable diapers too which I used for her when we go out. When we arrive home, the first thing I would do is take off the disposable diaper. She quickly learned so many things faster than the average kid....walking, talking, She can do an alphabet puzzle before she could even talk. And nobody could fool her because she would always place the right letter at the right slot.

She was his late grandpa's (on her dad's side) favorite being the eldest girl grandchild. While Grandpa loved the other grandchildren, eldest daughter would always be her number 1 grandchild. He would always give my daughter a ride in his yellow car. One time in defiance of my order, Grandpa would 'steal' my then infant daughter and bring her to the grocery. I did not want her out because Mt. Pinatubo's ashes were enveloping Metro Manila. People were having respiratory problems and I didn't want my daughter to get sick. Being our first child, I was overly protective.

Her early signs of intelligence was further proven in school. During her pre-school years, there were two schools in the south we were considering after being named as one of the outstanding students in nursery. She didn't make it in this exclusive school in a high-end village here in the area. She told us that they were asked to color a swimming pool and she colored it white. I was thinking that she should have colored it blue. Then again, she was right, water is colorless. Refraction makes the water seem like blue. Too bad for that school they didn't get her. She got into the other school which would also be the school for my other two kids. Even in her initial years in the school, she excelled academically but was not noticed because she was a silent performer. She was perfecting exams but was not chosen to represent the school in out of campus activities. That was until her grade two teacher, Ms. Perla Mariveles, gave her a break. Ms. Mariveles drew my child's potentials and probably helped made her what she is today. This would pave the way for a successful academic life for her that would be marked with victories in various contest in and out of school.

She was always in the honor roll but couldn't make it to the top because she lacked extra-curricular activities which were highly-valued in her school. She remained to be the silent operator whom one would hardly notice in school. She tried applying at the Philippine Science when she was in Grade 6 just for the challenge of it and she made it. Initially, we weren't as enthusiastic but when she made it, we wanted her to give it a try. After much prodding, we couldn't force her into entering Pisay and she chose to remain with her school.

In her junior year, she was among the top 5 students to take the the qualifying exams to the Ateneo Junior Summer Seminar (AJSS). She was the only one in their school who made it to that summer camp for the Philippine cream of the crop. Finishing that camp assured her and 69 other students from different schools in the country of a slot in Ateneo in college. The top two students from the program would be receiving scholarships. For the rest, they can retake the entrance exams and if they are among the top 30 examinees, they get full scholarships. She retook the exams and qualified for full scholarship.

She took only three entrance exams, Ateneo, UST, and UP. We want her to qualify for UP for practical reasons even if we were not certain she likes it there. She passed both UST and UP and was qualified even to apply for UP's Intarmed Program, a seven-year medical course offered to the top 50 male and top 50 female UPCAT examinees. Those who qualified were subjected to further evaluation. The 100 qualifiers was whittled down to 40 and she was among those who made it. It was a hard choice between getting the scholarship and a shortened path to medicine. We would have to pay for her tuition at UP though because she failed to make it to the cut for the Oblation scholarship given to the top 50 examinees. Both universities are on an even keel in giving her an edge later on in life. She would choose to enrol in the Intarmed Program of UP.

She has given us all the honor that parents want and remained level-headed all these years. She doesn't brag about her accomplishments and is a sweet sister to her siblings. She would bring "pasalubong" for them when she comes home from a gimmick or from school. She is also a great kid to us but can't be relied on to do household chores. You can nag all you want but she won't even make her bed. Well, you can't have all.

My middle daughter was the biggest baby in the nursery when she was born. As a baby, she was noticed because she was very fair, huge, bouncy, and really cute. A friend would remark, "Maganda ang pagkakagawa". Her being cute as a toddler and as a child would make her the center of attention in gatherings and people would always give her compliments. At a certain time, this cause some sibling rivalry with her eldest sister. My eldest daughter who was used to having all attention had to share the limelight with her younger sister. My middle daughter most often would get all the attention.

Middle daughter, on the other hand, had to walk in the shadow of her academically-gifted sister when she entered the same school. She excelled in school through another channel. She is smart but at the same time a popular student joining school council and various organizations. Like her sister, she was selected to participate in contests. She had a lot more extra curricular activities than her sister --- varsity player, cheer leader, dancer, officer, girl scout, etc. She was awarded for club activities, once for being a girl scout. She was the biggest girl scout at grade 4. The following year the teachers were encouraging her to still be a girl scout and be assured of an award. She refused as she was taller than her teachers at grade 5.

My daughter, though, is not destined to excel in all fields. What is admirable about her is her capacity to take whatever outcomes from her participation. She could be a nervous wreck but would go on with the show like a pro. She took part in a fund-generating child beauty contest and never quite made it. She took it gamely and was pleased that the contest was done with. She joined an academic contest and didn't reach the final stage. We thought she felt bad but was eating with gusto when we brought her to the canteen to eat. She has her feet planted on the ground and won't let setbacks affect her.

She remains a conscientious and popular student in her high school running for honors and involved in various activities. She would also be interested in cooking and could be relied on to pitch in the kitchen in case I cannot do it. There would be times she would voluntarily demonstrate her culinary ability. She performs the role of big sister to her brother and would check on him to ensure that he does his school work. She is quite a disciplinarian when it comes to her brother which he would resent at times. We would explain to her unconvinced brother that she is hard on him because she loves him and wants him to do well in school.

The sibling rivalry between the two girls, however, would be a source of problem for us for sometime. Sisters were not in good terms and there would be fighting occasionally due to jealousy with buckets of tears shed. In time, the rivalry would cease with the arrival of my son, our youngest.

He was born in a different circumstance than his sisters. During his sisters' coming out, the sedatives failed to work. I was wide awake as my co-mothers-to-be were one by one being wheeled to the delivery room. When epidural was administered to me, I didn't know what happened next. I was already in the recovery room when I woke up and missed seeing my two girls during their births.

As my labor pains became more frequent and intense, i would learn that my ob-gyne just had an operation when i was admitted at the hospital for my son's birth. My ob-gyne is a family friend who was my MIL's doctor for her youngest child. It would be no source of comfort that the attending anesthesiologist was also a different doctor who doesn't know that I have little tolerance for pain. She was wondering why the sedatives did not seem to take effect. She gave me epidural only when my son was about to come out. I was aware of everything that happened. My son was brought beside me after he was cleaned up. I would touch his little fingers and he would touch back. I would also give instructions to the nurse to go tell my husband. We really wanted a boy that time.

My son would not learn how to speak until he was about two. Sometimes, he would break down for being unable to express what he wanted to say. He would learn to speak intelligently once he entered pre-school.

As a baby, he would go under water in an inflatable pool when my middle daughter sidle up his inflatable boat while he was on it. We all panicked and hubby dashed to the pool scooping my son under water. This event would be captured in video and his erring sister would look guilty avoiding to see the clip whenever it was shown. As the sibling rivalry moved to my middle daughter and my son, he would later refer to this event as the root of their fight. They would fight over all things.

My son did not excel as much as his sisters did in school. There were problems we dealt with at some points in time. He is a smart boy who speaks impeccable English with a foreign twang. His learning capacity would be selective preferring to learn only subjects which are interesting to him. He would have no difficulty in science being a favorite subject. He has great comprehension provided his mind is stimulated but would be close-minded to learning things he does not like. That posed some problems. With close guidance, he would cope.

It would be my son who would show me unconditional love. Hubby and I would get sick occasionally and my son would always be there to comfort us.... tuck us in bed, give us medicine, touch and massage our pains, pull the covers when we chill. I was sick and hubby would teasingly tell me to get out of the room as I risk giving them the virus. My son would look at him not saying a word but would move closer to me and provide a protective stance.

He is also a sweet cousin to my eight-year old nephew. My son has the power of calming down my hyperactive nephew and act like a responsible older cousin to him whenever he is in our home.

Even with my stern warning not to keep cats in the house or its surrounding as he risk aggravating his asthma, my son would hide a dirty, sickly kitten whose mother abandoned the poor creature. I would catch him one day but he would explain rather persistently that the kitten need somebody to take of her/him because it lost its mother. He has done this a number of times. He would always cuddle a favorite pet.

He is also well-known in our community as he would run around the chapel during mass as a young child. I had been a recipient of sharp stares from parishioners because of this. He doesn't have qualms about talking to people he meets and would ask lots of questions. He asks amusing questions at times. Manong magtataho would call him by his name when he passes by the house in the weekend.


So many years have passed but I still recall every single detail of how my three children transformed our lives. I thought it best to write about this now while I still can so they will be reminded of the lessons they have imparted on me as I see them through this life. My important lessons were taught by my children. I was a carefree individual with limited capacity for genuine concern for others until they came to my life. Their differences taught me that I should love them all equally regardless of what they have and what they lack. The persons growing in them present challenges that I need to learn to overcome so as to make them the persons that God intended them to be.

I do not tell them about love. I show them how to feel love. I do not force them to learn something but instead show them the way, allow them space to take a chance, make mistakes, and learn from their experiences. I recall my own mother's words that we had no real wealth and the only wealth they can give us was the education that they have provided us with. Let me take that a little farther. My wealth comes from knowing that my children will grow up learning how to give and receive love. Real education comes from learning that love and life can go together.