Definition of Terms

In my small office, there are terminologies which have made me pause and wonder if ever these terms will sink in. If you are a member of the inner circle, you should be able to conveniently use these term at every opportunity particularly when the Reyna is around as most of these originated from her. Here is the partial list in no particular order:

Plaza Miranda - When asked by Reyna Bosabos if i know what this means as used to describe our work in the office, i innocently answered "yun nagkakagulo sa trabaho". She said it means that the the work should be able to stand scrunity and that all options are exhausted. Huh!!!???? I have never imagined that a place known as the famous opposition venue during the Martial law years where a number of oppositionists were killed or injured when it was bombed would be synonymous with our Reyna's required output. Nevertheless, the term has been used appropriately or made to fit if unaapropriate for every imaginable work-related stuff.

Planning activity - where we gather all the bosses and planning officers of all offices to present to all what the rest don't give a damn about and provide various opportunities for the rest to give comments that everyone already knows about and this crap goes on endlessly for 3 days to 1 week depending on the program envisioned by my events management savvy colleagues. The program includes various intermission numbers that are more eagerly-anticipated because these are more exciting and well-thought of than the actual activity itself. For the duration of the event, flowing coffee and a lavish banquet await all partipants. We staff of the office, however, are expected to not eat while the guests are partaking their meals, and stay in a corner waiting for table scraps. If you violate this unwritten rule, you will be forever ostracized by the alalays of the Reyna. As uttered by B1 when she was invited to eat in one of those events, "there is no instruction", hence, she could not eat.

Program manager - the alalay assigned to be the ultimate super alalay of the Reyna and primarily handle the bitching around before, during, and after an event. She is expected to be an OC who asks questions twice or thrice. While you are atending to more important work, she is at your back when you fail to deliver what she asks you to do like put a streamer in the designated spots or make sure the coffee is hot. This person takes credit for the success of an event but has to readily pass on the accolade to the Reyna if she is within hearing distance. There has never been an event which failed if managed by an alalay.

Walk through - A guide to have a feel of an event such as but not limited to a planning activity since a birthday party for a favorite superior can also be perfected through this process. A document is prepared to list down the program activities and anticipated scenarios arising out of these activities. The document should contain official action by the responsible person usually the head alalay or a program manager and support system available from the other alalays. Non-alalays are expected to toe the line and know the alternative courses of action lest they'd be disparaged in a debriefing session (defined later). The walk thru is best done in the venue of the event for a better feel of the action and to provide a reason for the alalays to have a field trip because often the the venue is out of town.

War room - an adjunct to a planning activity. When the event coordinators look at venue, the war room is immediately specified along with extra room for sleeping for the entire entourage of the Reyna (less-favored staff are assigned to sleep with people they don't know). This room is the official tambayan of the alalays and the Reyna where they appear to be busy all times day and night especially if there are officials who are looking. The room serves as the Reyna's venue for displaying her superb organizing and directing skills. It also doubles as the sleeping quarters for the harassed alalays after spending hours editing documents when the Reyna changes her mind one too many resulting in rims of paper and reels of printer ink wasted.

Debriefing - The meeting held after the event where the alalays are praised to high heavens for the success of the event and the harassed non-alalays involved in the work are castigated for the things that they failed to do. Those castigated are given a third degree for failing to feed on the Reyna 's ego during the event. While the meeting provide opportunity for other staff to air their observations, the observations are quickly dismissed if these have something to do with the mistakes or shortcomings of the Reyna or her alalays. Surprisingly, the Reyna has that uncanny ability to turn the tables back to the non-alalays whenever these unpleasant situations happen. Emerging from such meetings, the alalays appear to be high as if they have ingested cocaine while the non-alalays are observed to have long faces with their back hunched.

Gets - Heard this from the Reyna herself and from then on has been the official term for asking alalay and staff alike if an instruction or several instructions borne out of an original instruction (that the Reyna is wont to do whenever she assigns work) is/are understood. In many instances, alalays have used this term interchangeably in giving and carrying out instructions. Since I am always stumped by the avalanche of instructions after a meeting with the Reyna, I still don't know if the appropriate response is "yes, gets" or "no gets". Help!!!

Heads up - A term heard from the head alalay and her assistant whenever they emerged from a meeting with the Reyna or those who are higher than their Reyna to give information to the rest of the alalays and non-alalays. It simply means that the discusant-alalay parrots the entire proceedings of the meeting briefly looking at the agenda paper if an item is forgotten or reading an entire agenda item if such is not understood by the discussant herself. If pressed on what it means, questions are brushed aside saying that it is all that is written. Discussant's knowledge of agenda items discussed is optional as a foot-thick document is within reach for easy reference.

Ms (name of person) - Obviously, a term used to address a female. In the work environment, the term is used to address every female to play it safe. Used to a first-name calling basis, I was introduce to the term during my briefring by the Reyna when I joined the office. Specifically, the Reyna told me that she is to be addressed as Ms (first name of Reyna) and I can have the honor also of being referred to as Ms (my name). Wheteher as a sign of respect for position or age, I never understood why addressing a person is a matter of paramount importance to the Reyna. Anyway, now I have to address every Jane Doe I encounter as Ms. (name) just like my colleagues to show some kind of formality.

Overtime - the daily fare in this office for all alalays. As we all know, this translates to extending work beyond working hours. Except that in this office, the alalays are allowed to be late after any overtime or sleep during office hours and still claim overtime pay. Overtime pay are restricted only to alalays. Non-alalays who wants to get overtime pay are expected to warm up to the Reyna and her alalays and kiss assess if necessary. Regular hours may be wasted talking about personal lives and the latest issues of celebrities if these are not spent planning the next party or assasination plot on a non-alalay or having a party celebrating a birthday party of an alalay. These sessions are prolonged so that hours go by unnoticed. The real work may actually begin after regular hours when overtime is alreading ticking and when the alalays start counting minutes and hours to calculate their OT pay. There are rules in claiming OT pay and the alalay have become experts in going around these rules with the Reyna's blessings. During overtime, alalays are well-provided with food anytime of the day. Over time, alalays have grown proportionately with the food bill masked as representation expense of the Reyna.


These are but a few examples but can provide ample learning for a novice. I am not sure I will ever get it......I hope I never do. Please note that these definitions are peculiar to this office. Any similarity to the terms usage in other offices is not intended and the author begs for your kind understanding for any undue realization that you are going through the same crap.