Feeling Old

I am at that point when I am beginning to feel like an adult... you see I never feel like one all this time until recently. Most of the time, I get by almost hassle-free. Someone is always taking care of things for me or things fall into place like my life follows a certain order of the universe that works its way out .... I am not saying I don't deal with problems or difficulties ... I do .... but somehow I know how to put things to a halt when I can't take it anymore and just let things be ... akin to lying on your back on water and just flow with the tide.  Sooner or later, I get a clearer perspective and the problem works its way out or would simply go  away.

Well, like any grown up, I have a family, a home, a job, friends....  like many of you.  At any point in time, I would always be dealing with issues related to any or all of these competing concerns.  There are clear set priorities and that's partly the reason how things get worked out.  There are facets of life that are simply non-negotiable and all else can be given up.

If you were to ask me what my topmost priority is.  Clearly, it's my family ........ the children in particular.  When they were small, I was very protective of my kids.  I think I have not really let go of that tendency up to now.  I need to ascertain their whereabouts all the time.  It has nothing to do with trust as they are good kids, not perfect, but I am glad I have them and I cannot ask for more.

Being with our family day in and day out makes one unmindful of the passing time.  Suddenly, the babe I used to carry in my arms is lifting me off my feet.  The kids bring out the child in me that we would often horse around.  Before I would give them a piggy ride which doesn't look feasible now as at least two of them are taller than me.  And lately, we don't horse around as much as we used to.... if at all.  The kids are so preoccupied with lots of stimulation provided by education, technology, social connection.

What more... knowledge is expanding exponentially.  Education is boosted with the aid of technology that things are happening a lot faster and at a grander scale... there is hardly time to breathe.  Kids are busier and consequently stressed out than we were in school.  What is supposed to be well-rounded education produced kids who are smarter and always lacking in time to appreciate the finer things in life.  I would feel guilty when I want to have fun with them and they can't join in because they need to study or work on a project with their classmates.  Suddenly, it's hip to be square .... Didn't we use to make fun of  'square' people ..... hmmmm

On one hand, it may be a good thing to have kids who are responsible..... More and more, the kids, the girls in particular, are being given more grown up tasks.  ED and MD help save the day for me when I can't make it to some of MS's activities.  Now I can delegate some of my responsibilities as a parent to either of my two elder girls.... like getting of the report card of MS.  As soon as she got her license, ED drives MD and MS when she is free from school.  The set-up also works to both our advantage.  I've been loving being free from driving duties while ED gets to hone her driving skills.  I bet she is still excited learning this new skill like I was as a new driver.

At home, MD gets the bigger pie of the responsibilities because she is better than her elder sibling in doing chores and even working on some of my business activities.  So she gets most of these tasks.  Oftentimes, ED and MD would work together on some of the tasks I assign to either of them.

What about youngest, MS?  To his credit, he has become more independent as far as school work is concerned.  He can be relied on some small tasks.  Like this summer when one of our helpers was on vacation, he readily washed the dishes when I told him to help out.  He doesn't want polishing the stairs anymore but prefer other tasks.  He also helped out in weeding the garden when I asked him to.  Well, not much is really expected from him but I am thankful enough when he helps out.

With all these developments, I should be pleased.  I am... Isn't it every parent dream to make their children the unique, functional, and responsible individuals that they are supposed to be?  I am also thankful for the free time I have in my hands I can use for myself or to be with friends or pursue other interests ... something that I can't easily do in the not so distant past.  Lesser stress comes with lesser responsibilities, too... I used to savor the idea of having grown-up kids who can take care of themselves... Yet just as this is happening, I sometimes find myself thinking that soon they won't need me anymore.  Then maybe, life would cease to be as colorful as it used to be when there were lots of frustrations, worrying, arguing, screaming, tugging, juggling  ......

Maybe, the time has come ...........  for me to pull over and watch from the sidelines ... how my kids have grown to face and take on their own horizons ..... and probably MS's worst fear would soon be a reality ....