February 22 - 28, 2010: Coming to Terms

Mang Boy, my iron work contractor, is a kindly man with a pair of soulful eyes. I have been hunting him since last year for a small job contract.... I wanted my porch covered. He wasn't responding for a long time and when I finally caught him he said he was in the hospital. I tried to ask what it was about and he said it's his throat. I didn't think much of it but wish him well. I wanted him to recover because I don't want anybody else working in my home but people I have learned to trust and Mang Boy was among those.

Early this year, he finally appeared on my doorstep and immediately went about his business.... surveying, measuring, calculating.... I noticed though a considerable loss of weight which I told him. He just smiled. As a trusted service provider, I leave him on his own after I have given instructions. As he was doing his measurement of the dog cages, I curiously asked him what his ailment was. Like he wanted to lighten his load, he asked me back if I really wanted to know. I readily said yes. He said he's been diagnosed with cancer stage 4B.... a brief awkward moment and I can only give an awry smile upon getting this sad news. But it hit me immediately and I felt my eyes was hot and welling up a tear. I tried to fight it off.....

Mang Boy broke the awkward moment as he told me about the treatment and management of the dreaded C. He was upbeat and even optimistic that everything will go well. We continued talking ending up with my offer to go out on a dinner or lunch 'date' with him after his next chemo..... With that 'date' set sometime in the future, he went his way.

This week, Mang Boy was back to my home with his crew to work on the job order. He went about supervising his people on what to do before work is started. If I had not known that he is sick, I would not notice anything different about him. He is his usual self...... keen, focused, and determined. I would soon leave them to go to work. As I was walking on the road that early morning, I was thinking of Mang Boy and how he is dealing with the affliction. I have seen the dreaded disease up close, losing both my parents to it. Mang Boy is like everyone's father, uncle, brother, friend.... and I feel awful. But come to think of it, he was at my home dealing with the Big C in his way, in his own terms........ Why don't I simply take pleasure in the fact that Mang Boy has come to terms with his reality.

This week, I had to deal with my own reality too. School is starting another term. And so goes my happy hour and dreamy escapades into the night..... I would have to deal with my own reality. It is not as tough as the one faced by Mang Boy or other people similarly-situated but just the same I have to deal with it everyday for the next 14 weeks when the term is over. It helps that I was given two subjects I taught in the past. That would go a long way in easing the load. But come to think of it, the problem is not really the workload but in doing it. I have seen myself in better shape with insatiable appetite to get things done excellently. I seem to be losing that zest lately. I don't think it has something to do with ageing.... it's more than that.

In the weekend, another reality awaits me...... This one cannot be avoided. There are no short-cutting, compromises nor stalling people, things and errands around the house as it could have disastrous consequences. In this case, I cannot let off my guard. For as long as I know where my priority lies, then I guess my heart is in the right place..... It can't get any real than that......