Friday, March 26, 2010

March 8 - 14, 2010: Trouble in Paradise


The start of the week did not foretell what was instore for the rest of the week...... I thought it was one of those weeks that would pass unnoticed..... It started slowly and build up sometime during midweek peaking in the weekend....

I sometimes like my week to be as uneventful as possible....just the usual routinary stuff that get us by through the week..... It may be boring but I am not jolted out of my wits in dealing with the unexpected. Most days, it's just like this.....uneventful...quite a drag actually..... But somehow in the commonplace, there are bound to be some things that are out of the ordinary and we are forced to react accordingly.....

Lately, I have noticed a considerable change in our boy helper. He has been slacking off... seems distracted too. Generally, his work leaves much to be desire. It's a constant source of frustration for me and he knows that.... I can tell from the way our pets behave and how our surroundings look like. I have been easy on him and his common law wife. They have been staying with us for the past four months after my boy helper had problems with his family. On those time he slips, I would call his attention, sometimes jokingly. Continued slippage would make me admonish him privately. At the start of his employment with us, he told us that we should just talk with him if we don't want something he did. I am a firm believer in the golden rule...that we should do unto others what we want others to do unto us..... Taking heed of his desire for respect in dealing with him, I try as much as possible to give that respect that I would accord to a fellow human being..... But lately, this hasn't work well.....

I have had this kind of talk with him a number of times... What will happen is he would shape up for sometime until it seems it was ok for him to go back to mediocrity.... I hate that.... It's like he's putting one over us. He's fully aware and he seems to have no problem going through the same old ways. I have had enough. So I called him sometime midweek and gave him the private talk which he, more or less expected, but seemed to avoid..... I asked him what his problem is..... He gave me the old worn-out excuse that his affairs are not in order and it is affecting him. He talked about his feelings that other people in my home are talking about him and his wife..... I told him everybody is talking about everybody and it should not be a problem if he feels confident there's nothing wrong with him.... He is probably not that confident. He was quiet most of the time we're talking. I am not sure if he was taking it to heart. I wasn't quite sure that I have achieved what I wanted to...... What I am certain is that some hard decisions must be taken.

Hubby and I have long been talking about a replacement. But there is the difficulty of finding someone, especially a male helper, who can be trusted. I have been privately scouting for one. Still, we were thinking about how best to approach this issue. We are not used to firing people just like that. We did it in the past for very serious infractions....

The week went quickly and soon it was the weekend. There was my usual share of household chores plus some errands.....

Having had a not so pleasant week, I decided to relax that Saturday evening.... I pour myself a glass of red and went to the study room and logged on the net. I wanted some cool music courtesy of my favorite music site, cool and smooth rhythms... I was chatting with new friends too. My best friend was also logged in and I was telling her to go to the site so we can share music and laugh. Then she asked if I have the time to talk....oooh.... That coming from a friend is a sure sign of trouble. I am not sure if I did something.... For her, I would drop anything.....

She started telling me how sad she is.... I did not have to ask as she was spontaneous. We would have this kind of talks.... She talks about wanting to come home and being with her family all the time. She has long been working overseas and her family is based here. It is tough for her especially when there are problems to deal with like right now. She told me that her son whom they are expecting to graduate would not be able to do so because of missed school requirements. They were blaming it on his friends and a new love. Then, she talked about their businesses which are not generating profits and had to be closed. She said she's drained and extremely stressed. I wasn't talking much but I felt for my friend. We have always been there for each other.

I told her there are things beyond our control. If going home is what she feels is right, then do it. I told her that I guess there's nothing that can be done about her son's failure that has not been done. It is time to move on. I added that some failures have to happen for the lessons it bring. I know where I speak of because I have failed students including graduating ones. I will do it again if I have to. It is not just because they fail to meet requirements but I believe that some lessons are best learned through failures. They may hate me at that point but in due time, I know that what becomes of them is their own realization of the lessons learnt. My friend agreed reluctantly..... I probably have no sense of what she felt when she got the bad news but I have had my own share of disappointments on the issue......

I asked about what happened to their donut franchise which has not even been a year old. She said operational expenses have been eating up the revenues. The business is located in a mall and part of the arrangement is a payment of a percentage of their sales in addition to the rental. The business couldn't cope up. They had to close it soon to cut their losses.

Their other business, a ticketing office, is doing fairly well. Recently, however, they had to settle with a client because they failed to deliver paid plane tickets causing cancellation of the planned trip. The ticket agent ran away with the money. The client was threatening them with a lawsuit. Her husband who is running the business is a trusting man and didn't bother to do background check.

She said she is going home and staying for a longer time to deal with all of these. I can only offer a small consolation in hearing her out. I cannot help her with her finances as I am probably in the same predicament..... I cannot reverse the fate of her son but encouraged her to move on and deal with him firmly but gently.... After sometime, my friend was talking about a new business being proposed by an angel investor to her husband. I cautioned her on some points on the business concept. She asked if I could meet up with them when she come home to give them some advice. That should not even be asked.... Of course, I'll find the time for that.... By this time, I felt some lightness in my friend. I guess the music can wait but some things can't..... She bade me goodnight after sometime.

I finally was able to put on my music and sipped the last of the wine..... It felt good.....
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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

March 1 - 7, 2010: Damage Control


Before things get anymore out of hand, I have decided to do some self-correction ASAP. The timing is perfect. It's the start of another month and a quarter is about to end. I need serious damage control if I have to take stock of my life..... Like making a new year's resolution, this is one tough act.... Prevention would have been better.... But the human in me is bound to make mistakes....my old worn out excuse.....So here I am correcting what could have been prevented....

This week, some corrections are in order in the way I do things. Again, I have been remiss on so many things...I have backlogs left and right, personally and professionally. I have been slacking off..... I should get hold of myself and start doing things as they are supposed to be done. Even the look of my desk appalls me..... I should start throwing some of those 'trash'..... whatever those heaps are must be disposed of, pronto....

I made small progress in school. I started organizing my thoughts and my ways to update my blog...making some small progress too..... Still, there are some more things that I am simply avoiding. I know I should deal with them.

Walking under a dark sky with the stars strewn all over somehow set the pace for the weekend that Friday evening.... I can feel my mortality amidst the darkness that engulfs whatever my eyes can see..... those little stars provide a glimmer of hope to an eternal optimist ........ I will rise above my own limitations....

The weekend was uneventful but just the same it is just so nice to enjoy the comforts of home unrushed, uncompromising, unpretentious........ and whatever ails me, home will always be my refuge......
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

February 22 - 28, 2010: Coming to Terms


Mang Boy, my iron work contractor, is a kindly man with a pair of soulful eyes. I have been hunting him since last year for a small job contract.... I wanted my porch covered. He wasn't responding for a long time and when I finally caught him he said he was in the hospital. I tried to ask what it was about and he said it's his throat. I didn't think much of it but wish him well. I wanted him to recover because I don't want anybody else working in my home but people I have learned to trust and Mang Boy was among those.

Early this year, he finally appeared on my doorstep and immediately went about his business.... surveying, measuring, calculating.... I noticed though a considerable loss of weight which I told him. He just smiled. As a trusted service provider, I leave him on his own after I have given instructions. As he was doing his measurement of the dog cages, I curiously asked him what his ailment was. Like he wanted to lighten his load, he asked me back if I really wanted to know. I readily said yes. He said he's been diagnosed with cancer stage 4B.... a brief awkward moment and I can only give an awry smile upon getting this sad news. But it hit me immediately and I felt my eyes was hot and welling up a tear. I tried to fight it off.....

Mang Boy broke the awkward moment as he told me about the treatment and management of the dreaded C. He was upbeat and even optimistic that everything will go well. We continued talking ending up with my offer to go out on a dinner or lunch 'date' with him after his next chemo..... With that 'date' set sometime in the future, he went his way.

This week, Mang Boy was back to my home with his crew to work on the job order. He went about supervising his people on what to do before work is started. If I had not known that he is sick, I would not notice anything different about him. He is his usual self...... keen, focused, and determined. I would soon leave them to go to work. As I was walking on the road that early morning, I was thinking of Mang Boy and how he is dealing with the affliction. I have seen the dreaded disease up close, losing both my parents to it. Mang Boy is like everyone's father, uncle, brother, friend.... and I feel awful. But come to think of it, he was at my home dealing with the Big C in his way, in his own terms........ Why don't I simply take pleasure in the fact that Mang Boy has come to terms with his reality.

This week, I had to deal with my own reality too. School is starting another term. And so goes my happy hour and dreamy escapades into the night..... I would have to deal with my own reality. It is not as tough as the one faced by Mang Boy or other people similarly-situated but just the same I have to deal with it everyday for the next 14 weeks when the term is over. It helps that I was given two subjects I taught in the past. That would go a long way in easing the load. But come to think of it, the problem is not really the workload but in doing it. I have seen myself in better shape with insatiable appetite to get things done excellently. I seem to be losing that zest lately. I don't think it has something to do with ageing.... it's more than that.

In the weekend, another reality awaits me...... This one cannot be avoided. There are no short-cutting, compromises nor stalling people, things and errands around the house as it could have disastrous consequences. In this case, I cannot let off my guard. For as long as I know where my priority lies, then I guess my heart is in the right place..... It can't get any real than that......
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